Today at church Vince talked about how we need to live revolutionary lives. He said that in order to be a revolutionary you need to take risks and often you'll look insane (but, as he said, we need to "choose insanity"). This concept is difficult for me. I'm not a huge risk-taker. I prefer to choose sanity. And so I could have just half-heartedly listened. But I really took to heart what he was saying.
That's when I started focusing on this girl sitting next to me. I had never seen her. She just happened to be next to my "assigned" seat (I don't know about you, but I always sit in the same place). I started feeling like God wanted me to talk to her. So, after service I said, "Hi! My name is Jen. Blah, blah, blah!" She told me her name and started crying. Turns out she is new to Virginia Beach and is having marriage problems. This was her second time at Forefront. We talked for a long time and then I offered to get together with her sometime this week. She said that she was busy this week, but was available today. My mind started rushing through my plans for the day...and I realized my only plan was to take a huge nap. I was bummed that I might miss my nap, but felt like this was important to God. So I rushed over to Vince, asked him to take our kids home and shortly thereafter we were walking to her car.
She warned me that she didn't have a seat belt on the passenger side. I took a risk and hopped in (I am the seat belt queen! I saw a commercial in the 80's where Barbara Mandrell's life was saved by a seat belt and I've been a little paranoid ever since).
We had a long lunch and talked. When we were done she said she felt better, no longer wanted to divorce her husband, and that God kept putting people like me in her life. Then she dropped me off at home...and I got to take my nap!
I think God would tell me that I was revolutionary today. I would disagree, "I didn't do anything wild or crazy for you (except maybe for the whole seat belt thing). I barely took a risk; I just did what came natural to me and talked to someone who was alone. Trust me, it was no big deal."
Do you ever feel like that? If your church has already started, do you feel like you took a big risk at the beginning, but really haven't since you launched? Do you feel like you disappoint God more than you please Him?
Maybe you're more of a revolutionary than you think. Maybe it's in the mundane moments of life that your revolutionary character comes out. Maybe you choose insanity - in the small things. Take a close look at yourself and find the revolutionary within...and thank God that He can use you, even in the ordinary.
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Sunday, August 26, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
You're Scary!
Do you know that non-Christians are afraid of us? Yes, I'm talking to you! If you are a church planter's wife then you are scary to people. We completely intimidate them. They don't know what to do with us. They don't understand us ("You moved here to do what? To start a church? Why? Don't we already have enough churches in town?"). They think we know the Bible inside out and that we are perfect and have it all together! Talk about scary!!!
I try as hard as I can to establish a relationship with someone BEFORE I drop the "I'm a Pastors' Wife" bomb. That way it makes it more difficult to run away from me because we're already friends.
The cards are stacked against us, girls! We've got to work hard to show people that we are not as scary as they think. We've got to show them that we are real people, with real problems and real fears. They need to know that we can relate to them and understand what they are going through.
I suffer from clinical depression. It's amazing how people open up to me once I share my journey with depression. Their walls come down and they get real with me. The more comfortable they are with me, the more they are willing to share. And that's when I can really start ministering to them.
Be real, be authentic and be approachable. And work on being less scary!
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I try as hard as I can to establish a relationship with someone BEFORE I drop the "I'm a Pastors' Wife" bomb. That way it makes it more difficult to run away from me because we're already friends.
The cards are stacked against us, girls! We've got to work hard to show people that we are not as scary as they think. We've got to show them that we are real people, with real problems and real fears. They need to know that we can relate to them and understand what they are going through.
I suffer from clinical depression. It's amazing how people open up to me once I share my journey with depression. Their walls come down and they get real with me. The more comfortable they are with me, the more they are willing to share. And that's when I can really start ministering to them.
Be real, be authentic and be approachable. And work on being less scary!
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Friday, August 17, 2007
Now we're talking!
A good friend of mine commented on my UNDERWEAR post and asked some really tough and relevant questions. One of the goals of this blog is for church planters' wives to communicate and help each other out! I've pasted her questions below and if you would like to leave a response, please do so in the "comment" section. The more open and honest we are, the better this site will be! Thanks for your honestly and vulnerability! And remember to read and respond to each other's comments.
1. How have you handled this issue (people coming in and out of your life like underwear) with your kids? My oldest has noticed that some key friends and adults in his life have suddenly disappeared. What have your best responses to your children been?
2. I am not naturally one to protect my heart and withdraw from people but I find that getting so easy to do. What practical steps have you taken to prevent yourself from withdrawing and hiding out?
3. My husband seems to handle this sort of stuff way better than me. It just doesn't seem to bother him as much. How can I better encourage and support him and let this kind of stuff roll off of me?
4. How have you handled interactions with people who have left and have been divisive? Do you ignore their behavior or try to call them out on it? Do you warn others when they try to talk to you about it?
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1. How have you handled this issue (people coming in and out of your life like underwear) with your kids? My oldest has noticed that some key friends and adults in his life have suddenly disappeared. What have your best responses to your children been?
2. I am not naturally one to protect my heart and withdraw from people but I find that getting so easy to do. What practical steps have you taken to prevent yourself from withdrawing and hiding out?
3. My husband seems to handle this sort of stuff way better than me. It just doesn't seem to bother him as much. How can I better encourage and support him and let this kind of stuff roll off of me?
4. How have you handled interactions with people who have left and have been divisive? Do you ignore their behavior or try to call them out on it? Do you warn others when they try to talk to you about it?
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Wednesday, August 15, 2007
People come in and out of your life like UNDERWEAR!
The fact that people come in and out of your life like underwear (a phrase I coined a few years ago) is, in my opinion, one of the most challenging aspects of being a church planters' wife. People that I assumed would be with us forever, like staff, launch team members and close friends in the church, invariably leave. Sometimes for good reasons and sometimes for bad ones. It's a really delicate balance because we need to love and minister to the people that God brings into our lives, but we also need to be willing to let them go. It's like we need to love loosely. We need to trust God with our relationships. We can't fear every new relationship or person in our lives. We need to get out there and open up our hearts to them, but we need to trust God when the relationship changes or dissolves.
It really bugs me when it affects my kids. We hook up with a family and our kids hang out together. We build a relationship with the family overtime. They are in pictures and videos of our kids' birthday parties...and suddenly they vanish. I think part of the problem is that we are the face of God to them. So, if they have a problem with God, it usually affects our relationship. If they decide that they don't want to attend our church, it affects the relationship. And quite frankly, it sucks!
But, we have to persevere! We play such an important role in people's lives. We can't give up or back down from relationships. So, I've determined that no matter how much the process hurts, I am going to open myself up to people, be vulnerable, and let them in. And pray for strength to get through the inevitable. I don't want to miss a chance to love because of my own fears and insecurities. God wants us out there, ministering to people on their level.
You can do it! I know it hurts. I know you feel angry and bitter. Bring all of that to God and wait. He comes through every time. And you might even like the new pair better than the old one :-).
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It really bugs me when it affects my kids. We hook up with a family and our kids hang out together. We build a relationship with the family overtime. They are in pictures and videos of our kids' birthday parties...and suddenly they vanish. I think part of the problem is that we are the face of God to them. So, if they have a problem with God, it usually affects our relationship. If they decide that they don't want to attend our church, it affects the relationship. And quite frankly, it sucks!
But, we have to persevere! We play such an important role in people's lives. We can't give up or back down from relationships. So, I've determined that no matter how much the process hurts, I am going to open myself up to people, be vulnerable, and let them in. And pray for strength to get through the inevitable. I don't want to miss a chance to love because of my own fears and insecurities. God wants us out there, ministering to people on their level.
You can do it! I know it hurts. I know you feel angry and bitter. Bring all of that to God and wait. He comes through every time. And you might even like the new pair better than the old one :-).
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Saturday, August 11, 2007
Welcome to planterwives.com!
Welcome to planterwives.com! This is a blog for either future or current church planters' wives. My hope is that this will be a source of encouragement, support and training for you. In my opinion, we are pretty much ignored as a group. There are tons of resources out there for our husbands, but not many for us. We are a unique group of women, with unique challenges and joys.
My journey into the world of church planting began in May 1997 when my husband, Vince, and I moved to Virginia Beach, VA to start Forefront Church (http://www.forefront.org/). I remember driving from Northern Virginia to Virginia Beach with my dog, Buster. Once we reached the tunnel I started freaking out! I was like, "Buster, what in the world am I doing? I'm not qualified for this. Is this really happening? I've never been trained. Buster, you have the same amount of training as I do!" You see, at this point I had only been a Christian for four and half years and I had only been married for 3 years. I was young and clueless!
It's ten years later, which means that I am ten years older and somewhat wiser! It's out of my personal experience that I am starting this blog. I want to stand with you on your journey. Wherever you are in the process, you are not alone. There are hundreds of women in your situation. Let's work together to help and encourage each other!
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My journey into the world of church planting began in May 1997 when my husband, Vince, and I moved to Virginia Beach, VA to start Forefront Church (http://www.forefront.org/). I remember driving from Northern Virginia to Virginia Beach with my dog, Buster. Once we reached the tunnel I started freaking out! I was like, "Buster, what in the world am I doing? I'm not qualified for this. Is this really happening? I've never been trained. Buster, you have the same amount of training as I do!" You see, at this point I had only been a Christian for four and half years and I had only been married for 3 years. I was young and clueless!
It's ten years later, which means that I am ten years older and somewhat wiser! It's out of my personal experience that I am starting this blog. I want to stand with you on your journey. Wherever you are in the process, you are not alone. There are hundreds of women in your situation. Let's work together to help and encourage each other!
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