I just heard some great news! The 2008 National New Church Conference that's taking place in Orlando, FL from April 21-24, 2008 is having a separate track just for church planting spouses. I am so excited and want to urge you to attend. Leave the kids with a sitter and get away with your husband. You won't regret it!
As I've said before, church planting wives are often ignored as a group. Not so at this conference! There are going to be 7 one-hour sessions just for you!
I'm leading a session on marriage and parenting and I need your help. I want to find out what you want to hear from me. What topics within marriage and parenting are of interest to you? Where do you struggle? What advice or help do you need? I appreciate any comments you leave.
Try your hardest to be there! Pray about the logistics, money, etc. I will start praying that God makes it possible for you to attend. It's going to be awesome!
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Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Eye Envy
Do you ever feel like you don't really make a difference? Like your husband is out saving the world and you are stuck at home wiping runny noses and dirty butts. Do you feel like you are making less of an impact than your husband, and therefore must be less significant to the Kingdom?
If so, I can totally relate to you. Vince is a dynamic, energetic person who does amazing things for God on a daily basis. He gets to preach, meet with people, and travel the world. And for the most part I'm stuck at home with the kids.
For a long time I struggled with feelings of inferiority. For years I had to wrestle with God to get over the lie that Vince is more important than me. God helped me to see that I am just as vital to the Kingdom as Vince; our roles just look different. God has me exactly where he wants me. He didn't make any mistakes when he made me. He can use all my strengths and weakness, my personality and gifts for his glory.
1 Corinthians 12:14-22 says, "Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body."
Vince and I make the perfect team. I bet you and your husband do too. Take a minute to thank God that you are an ear and that your husband is an eye. And stop having eye envy!
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If so, I can totally relate to you. Vince is a dynamic, energetic person who does amazing things for God on a daily basis. He gets to preach, meet with people, and travel the world. And for the most part I'm stuck at home with the kids.
For a long time I struggled with feelings of inferiority. For years I had to wrestle with God to get over the lie that Vince is more important than me. God helped me to see that I am just as vital to the Kingdom as Vince; our roles just look different. God has me exactly where he wants me. He didn't make any mistakes when he made me. He can use all my strengths and weakness, my personality and gifts for his glory.
1 Corinthians 12:14-22 says, "Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body."
Vince and I make the perfect team. I bet you and your husband do too. Take a minute to thank God that you are an ear and that your husband is an eye. And stop having eye envy!
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Sunday, November 18, 2007
An Inside Look
I've been thinking a lot about this blog; I want it to help and encourage you. I'm trying to figure out the best way to do this. I remembered a letter I had written years ago to a close friend who decided to leave our church. I thought I'd share it with you in case you're feeling the way I did. I just want you to know that I understand...
July 2003
Hi _____(Friend),
How are you? I miss you and the kids so much.
I heard through the grapevine that you have left Forefront altogether because of Vince’s letter to the small group. I am really concerned about this and wanted to find out what’s up.
I decided to write a letter to allow you time to think, pray, etc. I also didn’t want to catch you off guard. There are a few things that I wanted to say to you:
First and foremost, I miss you! I consider you one of my very good friends. I miss you being involved in my life, having our boys connect and bond, watching our kids grow up, laughing with you, talking with you, experiencing life with you. It breaks my heart that Dawson doesn’t really talk about _____(Friend's son) anymore; it’s like he doesn’t remember him. They were such good buddies, and now they never see each other. Small group, church, play group, etc. was a place where they had social interaction. For a while I made up excuses why _____(Friend's son) wouldn’t be at those places. Then Dawson just stopped asking. I am seriously weepy over it! You and your family are so important to us. I miss your friendship.
Second, the letter that Vince wrote wasn’t meant to offend you AT ALL. The purpose was to bond our small group together as a family by asking for more of a commitment from the entire group. He wasn’t singling out you guys; almost everyone’s attendance was sporadic in the group, which led him to send the letter. I’m confused why you were so upset with the letter? Is that what caused you to leave Forefront? Have you left Forefront? Is this just a misunderstanding? If you haven’t already, maybe you need to think and pray about why it offended you so badly. Maybe you felt convicted by God. Sometimes when I feel convicted about something I end up getting mad at the person involved, instead of really looking at it from God’s perspective…I don’t know, just some food for thought.
The other question that I have is why didn’t you talk to me or Vince about your feelings? We are your friends. Friends don’t just leave…they talk about it. I’m so sorry if you were upset by the letter; I just wish you would have talked to us about it instead of talking to other people about it instead.
Third, I’m worried about you. I worry that because you seem to have cut off your relationships with most Forefront people, that you aren’t having any relationships. I picture you alone in your house with your kids, day in and day out. I am so saddened by that picture. People and life are too important; I don’t want you to miss out on all that God has planned for you and your kids.
I hope you’re not mad at me. I wanted you to know that I love you and miss you. If you guys have found another church that you are happier at, that’s OK. I just want to make sure that we’ve cleared up everything, that you’re happy, that you’re not bitter, etc. I don’t want you to leave our lives because of bad reasons. Your friendship is too important to me for it to end on a bad note. You are too important to us to just let you walk away.
Love,
Jen
It's been 4 years since I sent this letter. She emailed back with an explanation saying that they didn't leave, she wasn't mad, it was all a misunderstanding; but I never heard from or saw her again. Sometimes being a church planting wife sucks, doesn't it?
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July 2003
Hi _____(Friend),
How are you? I miss you and the kids so much.
I heard through the grapevine that you have left Forefront altogether because of Vince’s letter to the small group. I am really concerned about this and wanted to find out what’s up.
I decided to write a letter to allow you time to think, pray, etc. I also didn’t want to catch you off guard. There are a few things that I wanted to say to you:
First and foremost, I miss you! I consider you one of my very good friends. I miss you being involved in my life, having our boys connect and bond, watching our kids grow up, laughing with you, talking with you, experiencing life with you. It breaks my heart that Dawson doesn’t really talk about _____(Friend's son) anymore; it’s like he doesn’t remember him. They were such good buddies, and now they never see each other. Small group, church, play group, etc. was a place where they had social interaction. For a while I made up excuses why _____(Friend's son) wouldn’t be at those places. Then Dawson just stopped asking. I am seriously weepy over it! You and your family are so important to us. I miss your friendship.
Second, the letter that Vince wrote wasn’t meant to offend you AT ALL. The purpose was to bond our small group together as a family by asking for more of a commitment from the entire group. He wasn’t singling out you guys; almost everyone’s attendance was sporadic in the group, which led him to send the letter. I’m confused why you were so upset with the letter? Is that what caused you to leave Forefront? Have you left Forefront? Is this just a misunderstanding? If you haven’t already, maybe you need to think and pray about why it offended you so badly. Maybe you felt convicted by God. Sometimes when I feel convicted about something I end up getting mad at the person involved, instead of really looking at it from God’s perspective…I don’t know, just some food for thought.
The other question that I have is why didn’t you talk to me or Vince about your feelings? We are your friends. Friends don’t just leave…they talk about it. I’m so sorry if you were upset by the letter; I just wish you would have talked to us about it instead of talking to other people about it instead.
Third, I’m worried about you. I worry that because you seem to have cut off your relationships with most Forefront people, that you aren’t having any relationships. I picture you alone in your house with your kids, day in and day out. I am so saddened by that picture. People and life are too important; I don’t want you to miss out on all that God has planned for you and your kids.
I hope you’re not mad at me. I wanted you to know that I love you and miss you. If you guys have found another church that you are happier at, that’s OK. I just want to make sure that we’ve cleared up everything, that you’re happy, that you’re not bitter, etc. I don’t want you to leave our lives because of bad reasons. Your friendship is too important to me for it to end on a bad note. You are too important to us to just let you walk away.
Love,
Jen
It's been 4 years since I sent this letter. She emailed back with an explanation saying that they didn't leave, she wasn't mad, it was all a misunderstanding; but I never heard from or saw her again. Sometimes being a church planting wife sucks, doesn't it?
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Saturday, November 10, 2007
Who Am I?
I realize that some of you who are reading this blog have no idea who I am. I thought it might be helpful to let you in on my journey into the church planting world.
I grew up going to a Catholic church. In fact, my Mom actually worked for the Catholic church (no, not as a nun). She was in charge of the CCD program (their version of Sunday school). I went through all the "steps" and was confirmed in high school. I believed in God and Jesus, but didn't understand what being in a relationship with God looked like (and probably wouldn't have wanted one anyway). I basically went to church to appease my mom, check-out guys and look for my friends. Once I graduated from high school, I never really went to Catholic church again.
I met my husband in 1992, while working at a movie theater in Buffalo, NY (Ironically, when Forefront first started we met in a movie theatre. We couldn't keep ourselves away from the polyester; it's quite sexy). At the time, I was pretty miserable, in a bad relationship, and suffering from undiagnosed depression. My friendship with Vince started in January. I was drawn to his joy and humor. His outlook on life was so uplifting and so different from what I was experiencing. After many long conversations I finally understood what made him so different; it was Jesus. I knew the God he talked about, but I didn't KNOW him. Vince introduced me to a God who is full of love and compassion for his people and who desires to be in an intimate relationship with them. I got to the point where I couldn't resist God. I was hooked and I was changed forever.
To make a long story short, I ended the relationship I was in and we started dating in August 1992. Vince headed to law school at the University of Illinois and I stayed in Buffalo to continue at Buffalo State College. After a year of law school, Vince felt like God was calling him into the ministry. He transferred to Cincinnati Bible Seminary (now called Cincinnati Christian University) where he got his Masters Degree.
We moved to Louisville, KY and were married in July 1994. Vince did a one year internship at Southeast Christian Church and then we headed to Northern Virginia to join New Life Christian Church. Then in May 1997, we moved to Virginia Beach to start Forefront.
My entrance into church planting is best summed up with one word..."clueless." Growing up in a Catholic church did not prepare me to be a planter/pastor's wife (Catholic priests don't have too much to offer in that department). I didn't attend Bible College, I had no official training, and I didn't have anyone who officially took me under their wing to teach me the ropes. So I've basically been winging it!
In some ways, winging it has been difficult. But, on the other hand I'm kind of glad it's worked out this way. I came into ministry with no preconceived ideas of what my pastor's wife role should look like. I had the freedom to create my role and be satisfied with it. I had the additional benefit of being part of a new church, which further allowed me to create my own model for ministry. I know a lot of women who enter ministry and either have preconceived ideas of what they should be doing, or have people telling them what they should be doing. I don't play the piano, I don't sing and I certainly don't knit...and I don't have any pressure to do those things.
The reason I started this blog was because I really want to help church planting wives. Even though all of our backgrounds differ, we are all in the same boat. My desire is to encourage and support fellow planting wives out there. I guess I wish there was a blog like this out there for me when we first started. Being part of a new church plant is difficult. Some of my darkest days have taken place here. But it's also such an amazing thrill ride. A ride that I'm grateful to be on. So, no matter what your past looks like, keep in mind that you are not alone in your present situation. There is a community of women out there who understand. And at least one other clueless person you can relate to!
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I grew up going to a Catholic church. In fact, my Mom actually worked for the Catholic church (no, not as a nun). She was in charge of the CCD program (their version of Sunday school). I went through all the "steps" and was confirmed in high school. I believed in God and Jesus, but didn't understand what being in a relationship with God looked like (and probably wouldn't have wanted one anyway). I basically went to church to appease my mom, check-out guys and look for my friends. Once I graduated from high school, I never really went to Catholic church again.
I met my husband in 1992, while working at a movie theater in Buffalo, NY (Ironically, when Forefront first started we met in a movie theatre. We couldn't keep ourselves away from the polyester; it's quite sexy). At the time, I was pretty miserable, in a bad relationship, and suffering from undiagnosed depression. My friendship with Vince started in January. I was drawn to his joy and humor. His outlook on life was so uplifting and so different from what I was experiencing. After many long conversations I finally understood what made him so different; it was Jesus. I knew the God he talked about, but I didn't KNOW him. Vince introduced me to a God who is full of love and compassion for his people and who desires to be in an intimate relationship with them. I got to the point where I couldn't resist God. I was hooked and I was changed forever.
To make a long story short, I ended the relationship I was in and we started dating in August 1992. Vince headed to law school at the University of Illinois and I stayed in Buffalo to continue at Buffalo State College. After a year of law school, Vince felt like God was calling him into the ministry. He transferred to Cincinnati Bible Seminary (now called Cincinnati Christian University) where he got his Masters Degree.
We moved to Louisville, KY and were married in July 1994. Vince did a one year internship at Southeast Christian Church and then we headed to Northern Virginia to join New Life Christian Church. Then in May 1997, we moved to Virginia Beach to start Forefront.
My entrance into church planting is best summed up with one word..."clueless." Growing up in a Catholic church did not prepare me to be a planter/pastor's wife (Catholic priests don't have too much to offer in that department). I didn't attend Bible College, I had no official training, and I didn't have anyone who officially took me under their wing to teach me the ropes. So I've basically been winging it!
In some ways, winging it has been difficult. But, on the other hand I'm kind of glad it's worked out this way. I came into ministry with no preconceived ideas of what my pastor's wife role should look like. I had the freedom to create my role and be satisfied with it. I had the additional benefit of being part of a new church, which further allowed me to create my own model for ministry. I know a lot of women who enter ministry and either have preconceived ideas of what they should be doing, or have people telling them what they should be doing. I don't play the piano, I don't sing and I certainly don't knit...and I don't have any pressure to do those things.
The reason I started this blog was because I really want to help church planting wives. Even though all of our backgrounds differ, we are all in the same boat. My desire is to encourage and support fellow planting wives out there. I guess I wish there was a blog like this out there for me when we first started. Being part of a new church plant is difficult. Some of my darkest days have taken place here. But it's also such an amazing thrill ride. A ride that I'm grateful to be on. So, no matter what your past looks like, keep in mind that you are not alone in your present situation. There is a community of women out there who understand. And at least one other clueless person you can relate to!
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Friday, November 2, 2007
Never say, "NEVER!"
Meet Kuma, our new 8-month old Pomeranian puppy! My kids have been begging for a dog for months. My six-year old daughter has given us presentations on the benefits of owning a dog. Every time they asked I thought, "I will never get another dog." Before we had kids we had a dog. His name was Buster and he was a suicidal nightmare (I'm not kidding; he was literally suicidal. On numerous occasions he tried unsuccessfully to kill himself). I vowed I would NEVER own a dog again.How many times have you said something like this: "I will never plant a church in that city!" "I will never let my kids do that!" "I will never marry a pastor!" "I will never act like that!" It's funny because once the NEVER statement leaves our mouths, it increases the likelihood that it will happen. It's like God has a radar on us and once he hears us say, "I will never...!" he smiles and says, "Oh really???? Let's see if I can do something about that." All I have to say about Kuma is, "Very funny, God!"
In Matthew 5:37 Jesus says, "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." When I read this I am convicted. Do you know how many people I have told over the years that I would never get a dog? Do you know how many times I have made bold statements, only to take them back?
I want to be a person of integrity. I want people to hear what I have to say and believe me. I want to be a woman of my word. Now, I realize that it's usually not a sin to change your mind. But as I read Jesus' words I wonder if my problem is a heart issue. I wonder how much pride and selfishness and other sin is poured into my words.
As church planting wives we are women of influence. Our words matter. People listen to what we have to say. As I've said before, we are a pathway to God for people. How they view us will have an impact on how they view God. Take a minute to reflect on your words; on your heart and attitudes. Ask God to show you where you are having trouble. Pray for God to change you. Make it your priority to be a woman of your word. And be careful what you say, "NEVER!" to...like Kuma, it might come back to bite you!
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