Session on Marriage, Part 2

I used a visual aid during my session to illustrate that we need to be balancing on God alone...

The only way that you will survive and thrive in your church plant with your marriage and family in tact is if you are balancing on God. He has to be your platform. No matter how fast you get spun around, no matter how out of control your life gets, you have to be resting on Him.

This might sound trite or what you’d expect to hear, but it’s true. It seems like common sense, but I’ve found that it’s really not so common. So many people, including church planting families do not keep God at the center. Even though we know it’s what we should do, we fail miserably. My greatest prayer is that if you get nothing else out of our time together, you will remember that you need God at the center of your life; especially if you’re involved in church planting.

Vince and I have been married for almost 14 years. I would love to tell you that our love is like a fairy tale, but that would be a lie. Marriage has been difficult for us. We both entered this marriage with lots of baggage and brokenness. I’ve struggled with depression for most of my life. Vince was a victim of verbal and sometimes physical abuse by his father. We each have our share of issues.

When we moved to Virginia Beach to start Forefront we had only been married for about 3 years. The stress and pressure of starting a church is so overwhelming. There are thousands of things to do before your launch date. Unfortunately, unless we’re careful, our marriages will get pushed to the side. As church planting couples we’re busy and stressed out. The trouble usually starts with little arguments, where we bicker over stupid things. Then the bickering grows and festers and soon it’s like WWIII has begun. Resentment builds and we feel like we’re dying inside. We feel alone and sad. I’m happy to tell you that it doesn’t have to be like this. We can have healthy marriages and relationships with our families while going through church plant.

I want to share you with a bunch of things I’ve learned about maintaining a healthy marriage in the middle of a church plant. Some of these came naturally to us, others we learned the hard way.

1. When Vince and I were first married we struggled, just like everyone else. The “two becoming one” idea was difficult for us to put into practice. One thing that was relatively easy for us, though, was spending time together. We have a lot of the same interests and so it’s easy for us to find things to do. People used to tell us to have a date night every week. We’d laugh and say, “We have a date life!” Our little date life worked out great until we had kids. And then it became a date-never-life. My son, Dawson, came out of the womb with separation anxiety. Leaving him was not fun for anyone. What we should have said was, “Our marriage is worth a miserable 2 hours for Dawson and the babysitter.” But instead, we chose not to go out. It was easier. Just because something is easy doesn’t mean that it’s the best thing to do. Our marriage suffered, resentment built and we were miserable.

How’s your marriage? Are you spending time alone? Are you going out by yourselves? Maybe it’s not kids that are in the way of your marriage. Maybe it’s your church plant. There are countless things to do and countless people to meet with. “Why not invite Jim and Barb to come to dinner with us? I think they’re going to commit to being on our launch team.” Time with people is necessary and important. But time alone with your husband is also necessary and important. Maybe even “More Important?”

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