Session on Marriage, Part 4

We need to be our husband’s number one cheerleader. No one else’s opinion matters more to them than yours. It might not seem like it, but it’s true. Vince can receive 100 compliments a day but they all pale in comparison to the one compliment I give him. In the same way, he can be criticized 100 times a day, but it’s my criticism that will tear him apart. Proverbs 12:25 says, “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” We’ve got to be wise with our words. We’ve got to speak the truth in love. No matter what is going on in your church, no matter how dumb your husband is acting, you’ve got to be on his side. That doesn’t mean that you act like a robot or a yes-woman. It means that you’re honest, but you do so in love. Gentleness goes a long way.

We have a choice. We can be honest and full of grace. Or we can be honest and full of negativity. One way builds him up. The other tears him down. Some of you are thinking, “You don’t understand my husband. He is an idiot. If I don’t tell him, no one else will. He’s got to learn!” That might all be true, and you might be part of the solution, but it’s got to come from a heart of love, not criticism. You need to talk to God. This is one of the many reasons why we need time with God every day. We play a vital role in the health of our husbands, which spills over to the health of the church.

Another reason why we need to be the head cheerleader is because we don’t want anyone else filling the position, especially another woman. Can you say, “Hagar!” Your husband is stressed out. He’s pulled in a hundred different directions. One of the things that will keep him going is positive reinforcement. Make sure that the bulk of the positive reinforcement is coming from you and not another woman. Again, I’m not talking about being a Stepford wife, where you robotically encourage him. It’s got to be encouragement that comes from the heart.

I want to take a minute to veer off course and talk about something very sensitive.

Unfortunately, in a room this size I’m pretty sure that some of your husbands have been unfaithful to you. I am so sorry. My prayer is that you can rebuild trust and wholeness in your marriage. I can’t imagine the journey you are on and the pain you are going through. Please run to God. He’s big enough to handle all your pain. Ministry is tough. It’s so easy to find yourself distant from God and forget the reason why you are planting a church. If we’re not careful, what starts as a burning desire and passion, quickly turns into just another boring and stressful job. If trust has been betrayed (in any form) in your marriage, my prayer is that you will find wholeness and healing and peace in God alone. I pray that God meets you exactly where you are and heals your hurts and takes away your fears. Please get help! Get Godly counsel and surround yourself with people that can build you up and speak the word of God to you.

Unfortunately, it’s not just our husbands that are the problem. Some of us have been unfaithful to our husbands. Some of us are thinking about it right now. Some of us are married to someone else in our minds. Our husbands are distracted. Our emotional needs aren’t being met, so we look elsewhere. To be honest, this is an area that’s difficult for me. It’s been a struggle for me for years to stay pure in my mind and not to use my mind as a form of escape from my reality. We often fool ourselves into thinking that it’s ok, “There’s no harm…It’s just in my mind…I would never actually do anything!” Let me give you a fresh perspective on an old verse, “You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a man lustfully has already committed adultery with him in her heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28).

We’ve got to stop allowing Satan to run rampant in our minds. It doesn’t matter how your husband treats you. It doesn’t matter how miserable you are. We’ve got to stop sinning. We’ve got a choice; we’re not helpless victims of our circumstances. Get help, seek Godly counsel, ask for some accountability, pray, fast, weep and mourn. We need God. We need freedom.

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