I have no doubt that God wants us to move to Las Vegas. I'm more sure of it than just about anything. Just because I know it doesn't mean that I'm happy about it all the time. I was recently with my parents. The conversation came up that we probably won't be able to come home for Christmas anymore. My mom and I started crying and proceeded to spend the next hour sitting in a chair together bawling.
God is so sweet to me. Ever since the moment that I knew He called us to Vegas, he's been whispering to me. Even as I was crying in my bed, when I first realized that we were moving, He spoke to me. Nothing loud or earth shattering; just whispers. He's used songs, Bible verses, Bible studies, friends' words, etc. to give me peace. He knows this is a huge step for me. He knows I need him to constantly reassure me.
This morning I was doing my Bible study and read these verses: "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." (Deuteronomy 1:29-31)
The truth is that I'm terrified of this church plant. Everyone who lives in Las Vegas that Vince has talked to has pretty much implied that he's crazy and that we shouldn't expect more than 50 people...EVER!...Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them.
I'm also afraid of what lies ahead of us. I mean, who really wants to raise their kids in Las Vegas? The school systems sucks compared to Virgina's. This is Satan's playground, for crying out loud! We're entering his turf...The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you.
I have so many questions. My heart is broken. I'm really struggling with depression right now...the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went.
As I read these verses this morning, I was changed. I was filled with hope and encouragement. I'm like a hunting dog, looking for God. I'm on the prowl for encouragement and for His sweet words to comfort me.
How about you? When you are facing a daunting situation, where do you look? How do you deal with the dark days of depression and fear? Do you keep your eyes and ears open for God?
I've got to admit that sometimes my eyes are shut and my ears are closed. And on those days, it's darker. My prayer for me and for you, as church planting wives, is that we stay alert to God and allow him to carry us as a father carries his son....all the way we go.
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6 comments:
Sweet Sister-
Thanks so much for sharing your heart about this. Sometimes I feel like if I could get my husband (or some other human) to tell me, "It's going to be O.K." that I would feel a zillion times better. Well, my friend, it's going to be O.K. You're going to make it. Your heart and head are going to line up with your reality. Our God is too good not to let it.
I went to Beth Moore's live simulcast (from Southeast actually)this weekend and she said three things that were profound to me that I will share here b/c they may encourage someone else's heart as well.
The first is: She gave a shout out to all of her missionary sisters (that's you!) and cited Mark 10:29-31 says (w/ my emphasis), "I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or field for me and the gospel will fail to receive A HUNDRED TIMES AS MUCH IN THIS PRESENT AGE (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and field - and wil them, persecution) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first."
God promises you, my missionary friend, that He will revisit His blessing upon you a hundred-fold (!) as well as in THIS PRESENT AGE (!). We're not talking treasures in heaven. We're talking the here and now. Your obedience will be rewarded in this present age. His Word is good. I can promise it.
The second is: When I am anxious or fearful, it tips the Enemy off that I am not fully surrendered and fully bowing my knee to what the Lord has called me to do. When the fear creeps in, I am reminded that I AM fully submitted to (or at least I need to get my heart there and fast) what God is calling me to and I will not believe lies that tell me otherwise.
The third is: She said, "When you see Him face to face, you will wish you had dreamed bigger." The task before any of us in church planting seems so daunting. It's pull-the-covers-over-your-head, I-think-I-want-to-throw-up kind of overwhelming some days. For me, this quote made me think, "Gosh, instead of being overwhelmed, I will dream bigger b/c this thing that seems too big to God really is not and He wants to do so much more (Eph. 3:20). It reminds me of the Scripture in Habakkuk 1:5 that says, "Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." Bring it, God! We can't wait to be utterly amazed! In fact, we are already!
Hang in there, my sweet sister, and navigate these waters with your head up. They are not rushing over you. You are overcoming!
Jennifer, those verses are awesome and very encouraging for me right now too. Thank God for using others to encourage when we need it. Our moving day has finally arrived and we head out on Saturday for the 3 day trip to Baldwinsville, NY to begin our church planting journey. I don't think we will be making it home to Missouri or Illinois for Christmas either. Hopefully God will provide us a great family there through His work done through us to celebrate with. Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us out here.
www.kennardfamilyweb.com
I want to add my thanks for your honesty and letting the rest of us in on what is going on inside as you walk in obedience. I also very much appreciate nikki's comments from Beth Moore. We've been in Argentina 6 years now and there are sometimes still days when I want to pull the covers over my head. Our type of church planting is a bit different, but many of the struggles are the same and the goal is absolutely to make HIM known among the nations!
Alisha in Argentina
This is what I love about you - you're so real. This is only the beginning of how God is totally going to rock your world through your obeidience!
Oh thank you... after my post last night... all I can say is thank you...
Please don't stop posting... no matter how much you doubt writing, please don't stop. Journal what you "can't" write here, and continue to share what you can... I will be back and will walk through this with you, as you are walking it through so many of us.
This is the hardest thing I've ever done...
And to Nikki... I went to your blog to comment to you as well, but there's nothing there...
I just wanted to thank you for your words as well.
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