Back in the Day...Part Ten

She was a really funny, energetic girl. She had been married for several years and had two little girls. Her and her husband started to come to Forefront and were instantly excited.

Then she dropped the B-bomb. Yep, you guessed it, she was a bisexual. She slept with other women and her husband slept with other men. Their agreement was that they wouldn't get involved with someone of a different sex; but the same sex was fine.

What in the world, God? How do I help her? Why do you want me to get involved? What can I possibly do? What do I say? Are you sure I'm the right person for this job? OK fine, I'll do it, but you're going to have to do it for me.

We met every week for months. I would go to her apartment and sit with her and we'd talk. She was beginning to understand the whole Christian thing. She understood that her current situation wasn't what God had intended for marriage. She needed help living it out. She wanted to be free; to have a healthy marriage...she just didn't know how.

I became her accountability partner. I prayed for her and asked her the hard questions about her behavior the previous week. I talked to her. I listened. I drove by the gay bar to see if her car was there (she told me that if her car was there that I was to come inside and pull her out).

I'm glad that I listened to God and jumped into this messy situation. Was I qualified? No. Did I have all the right answers? No. Was I scared out of my mind. Yes. Did I follow God into the darkness? Yes. Do I regret being used by God in this situation? No way.

Are you available to God? Are you willing to do things you don't want to do? Are you willing to get out of your comfort zone? Chances are good that at some point in your ministry God is going to ask you to do something that will make you extremely uncomfortable. Will you do it? Will you follow God into the dark, messy chaos of people's lives?

My friend is in Bible College now. She's passionate for God. Do you think it was worth it?

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Back in the Day...Part Nine

After about 16 weeks, I was good to go! I did have to be on Zofran until the day I delivered, but that was no big deal. I went back to work full-time and got back into life at Forefront again.

Let me tell you one of my worst Forefront memories...

Vince is famous for doing Top 10 Lists. One Sunday morning he was doing a Top 10 List called something like, "The Top 10 Things That Are Annoying About Vince." He decided on Sunday morning that it would be funny if I gave the Top 10 List for him. He came up to me as I entered the service and asked me...I mean persuaded me...to do it "for Forefront."

Let me introduce you to my inner voice at that moment: You have got to be kidding me! I don't really care what you or Forefront wants from me; there's no way I'm getting up there and giving your Top 10 List!

I gave the stupid Top 10 List.

I'm more of a behind the scenes kind of girl. The stage is not a place where I am comfortable. It's a place that I have nightmare's about. When I was young I took dance lessons. Every year we had a recital and every year I would literally cry before I went out to perform (the sad thing is that I continued to dance for 10 years...what was I thinking?).

So, I guess the morale to this story is that sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to do. Sometimes they don't make sense. Sometimes they make you uncomfortable. Sometimes they make you angry.

This whole church planting thing is crazy. I've felt things and experienced things that I never expected. I've been thrown out of my comfort zone dozens of times. The important thing is having a good attitude, laughing a lot, being humble, and trusting God that somehow what you are doing is making a difference for Him (even if it is a stupid Top Ten List!).

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Back in the Day...Part Eight

So I'm watching Simon Burch with my husband and some friends at the movie theater. I am bawling my head off; like uncontrollably. It's seriously embarrassing. After the movie we head to a restaurant and everyone starts looking at the menu. And then all of the sudden it hit me...I'm going to throw up! (I am one of those people who hate to throw up. I fear it more than just about anything other than snakes.) So I start to panic as I try to figure out where the bathroom is. Unable to make quick decisions, I froze and focused instead on a large plant next to our table. I said quite anxiously, "I'm going to throw up in the plant!" My friend, Amy, got up from the table and started sprinting to the bathroom, dragging me behind her. Seconds later I'm vomiting while she's holding my hair back.

The vomiting didn't stop for 16 weeks.

When people tell me that they have morning sickness it's very hard for me to be compassionate. What I experienced was more like hell than morning sickness. I'll give you the short version:

I threw up everything that touched my mouth, including my saliva. I literally threw up every time I swallowed. I think I slept more in the hospital than I did in my own bed. I finally had to have a PICC line surgically inserted in my arm that "fed" me through a vein that carries blood to the heart. I literally carried around a milkshake-looking substance in a backpack (talk about stylish). Home health nurses visited constantly. I was on a drug called Zofran, which is used for chemotherapy patients to stop nausea, and it wasn't helping! I rarely showered, cried often and every time I threw up I'd scream, "HELP ME!" Needless to say, Vince was a wreck. Forefront was 6 months old and we were a mess.

After people hear our nightmare they ask, "What about the ministries you were involved in? What about Forefront? What happened?" My answer is, "I dropped out of existence for 16 weeks. Vince almost had a nervous breakdown. And Forefront was fine."

I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves as leaders. We think that everything will stop or fall apart without us. Maybe it's pride or our insatiable need to be needed. I'm not sure. But one thing I learned is that God can continue to be God and work and move without me. I'm an important part of the equation, but I'm not the end-all-be-all. Forefront is God's. We are just servants, washing feet on a daily basis. God provides and God fills voids. Sometimes it takes our world collapsing to see this Truth. It sure did for me!

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One More Update...

Thanks again for all your prayers and support!

We went to the counselor today (they messed up our appointment day and time) and it went GREAT! I know that people were praying because it went so much better than I ever expected.

We are going back next week for some testing so the counselor can see the level of anxiety that Dawson is experiencing. Once we get the results we'll know how best to help him.

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Please Pray...Update

Thank you so much for praying for us and for your comments and suggestions. I really appreciate it!

Right now Dawson is doing OK, mainly because Vince's mom is in town! We've been able to talk to Vince everyday, which has helped too.

After a lot of prayer, I decided to set him up with a counseling appointment. It's something that Vince and I have discussed, but never followed through with. Dawson is really shy, so I'm hoping that he opens up to the counselor. He's excited about getting out of school for a few hours. Please pray for him on Tuesday at 11:15am. I have struggled with fear and anxiety my whole life, so I understand what he's going through. It's been cool to share my journey with him and assure him that he's not alone.

Hey, here's a cool picture of Vince on the Sea of Galilee! What an amazing experience; I'm totally jealous!

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Hey Atlanta!

I'm wondering if any of you are from Atlanta...

We have a cp wife who really needs some support and encouragement. She lives in Atlanta and is seeking another cp wife to talk to and potentially meet with.

If you don't live there, but have friends in the church planting world who do, please pass this information onto them.

You can email me at j_antonucci@hotmail.com

Thanks so much!

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Back in the Day...Part Seven

I left off with our opening Sunday. Like most new plants, our attendance was lower the second Sunday (mostly because so many people had come from out of town to support us that first Sunday). People were interested and excited about Forefront! At this point, I started to feel peace. I think actually seeing the campus launch and be successful was what made the difference in me. My mind so easily wanders to the negative: What if no one shows up and we fail? What if we get fired? Seeing that people actually enjoyed the service and wanted to get plugged in made me feel better.

Looking back I'm disappointed that I didn't rely on God more. It wasn't until after I had the results that I started feeling better. It's so typical of me and all of us, I think. We are full of fear and doubts until we feel like Jesus actually shows up (which is so dumb because he's always right there!). Wouldn't it be great if I had felt peace the whole time simply because this was God's church and HE was going to provide everything?

Everything was going great with Forefront and with me and Vince. He was busy, but he was excited! I was busy, but I was energized. We were connecting with people and getting people plugged in. Everything was going according to plan.

Then I got pregnant!

We found out on my birthday, August 19, 1998. I still have the card from the flowers that Vince bought me that day: "It's impossible to find flowers as beautiful as you are. I love you-Vince." We were so excited. It was a planned pregnancy. The church was more established, we had been married for over 4 years, and our marriage was in good shape.

Then I watched the movie, Simon Burch, and my world fell apart...

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Please Pray...

As I last posted, Vince left for Israel yesterday morning. My eight year old son, Dawson, is having an extremely difficult time with the separation (and always does when Vince is gone). This time it seems to be worse and he's getting a little violent (kicking doors while he's crying). First of all, can you please pray for him (and for me to know how to help him)? Secondly, does anyone have any advice? It's definitely high-level anxiety. I'm just not sure what to do about it. During random times of the day he loses it and starts crying uncontrollably and kicking.

Any suggestions?

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Please Be Patient...

I'm having bloggers' guilt. It's been a week since I've blogged and I'm feeling bad about it. I want to give you my lame excuses...

1. Marissa was sick from Sunday 2/3-Saturday 2/9. She had this horrible virus and didn't eat or talk for 4 days. Anyone with a sick child knows how demanding and draining it can be.

2. Vince is headed to Israel tomorrow morning. Shopping, packing, organizing, etc. has been time consuming, not to mention the extra pre-trip family time that we've been trying to carve out. I think I need a vacation! By the way, please pray for Vince's trip. He is going on a 14-day spiritual pilgrimage to Israel and I'm praying that it will be life changing. You can check out his blog entry for more info on his trip.

I can't make any promises, but I'm hoping to be able to blog more with Vince gone. Hopefully the kids will cooperate with my plan!!!

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Back in the Day...Part Six

March 8, 1998...after months of planning, praying and preparing we finally launched our first service. We met in a movie theater, which was pretty cutting edge at the time. We were out of our minds with excitement and fear.

At the time I worked in children's ministry, so unfortunately I missed the whole "adult" service. I was bummed that I missed it, but unfortunately when you start out you have to do whatever you can to fill positions. I've been asked by several cp wives whether they should be in the lobby before and after service with their husbands. I tell them that ideally that would great, but it's just about impossible when you first start out. Because of other needs in the church we're often separated from our husbands on Sunday mornings.

560 people showed up and we were amazed at what God was doing. People were excited and eager to get involved. To be honest I was shocked by the whole thing. I kept having thoughts run through my mind like, "No one will show up." "It's raining; people don't go to church in the rain!" "Who are we kidding?" Thankfully God was much bigger than my fears and irrational thoughts.

I love what Kim McManus says about the first Sunday: "Here's to the first Sunday when everyone is together in one historical service. The hard work, the sacrifice, the love and the teamwork is beautiful to behold. Nothing is comparable to that first Sunday of the birth of a new church. It is the compilation of dreaming and the movement of the Spirit of God that is glorious to experience. It makes that solo guitar sound orchestral. All resources and hearts have been pooled to this one experience of faith and hope, God and future. Wow. Drink it in because not all Sundays will be like the first, but let that special one set the standard of excellence for all the rest. Being on a team, one that works and is ready to risk everything, is luxurious. I love every minute of a team that serves together because their core is the same."

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It's Finally Here!!!!

Vince's book, "I Became a Christian and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" was released today! I realize that I am totally biased, but it's an amazing book. And I'm not the only one who thinks so!

"The funniest and most sincere spiritual growth book I've ever experienced."--Craig Groeschel, founding and senior pastor, LifeChurch.tv; author, Chazown

"This book will make you laugh and make you think. It will also make you reexamine your life. If you're serious about trading in your souvenir religion for authentic spiritual passion, this book is a must read."--Mark Batterson, lead pastor, National Community Church; author, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day

"This is a book that will entertain you, inspire you, and help you experience everything God has for you. Read it and share it with a friend."--Dave Ferguson, lead pastor, Community Christian Church / NewThing Network; author, The Big Idea

Click on this Amazon link to order or for more information.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/104-6634801-6368732?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=i+became+a+christian+and+all+i+got+was+this+lousy+t-shirt

In addition, they've put together a website for churches who might want to do a 6-week series based on the book (all the material is FREE). Check out http://www.lousytshirtbook.com/.

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