Sunday, March 30, 2008

Beer Bottles and Cigarettes, Part 3

I've blogged in the past about my neighbors, who have a little girl Marissa's age, named Samantha (they are the ones with the picture of Satan above their fireplace).

Well, today we went to a birthday party at their house. It was our first time in the house and we were nervous. My other neighbor had told me about the picture of Satan, but we hadn't seen it ourselves. Marissa was curious and scared about it, but I told her to play it cool.

The picture was way worse than I ever imagined. It's one of those pictures where if you look at it from far away it looks like Satan smoking a cigar, but if you look at it closely you see that the picture is actually made up of drawings of naked women drinking alcohol. There were also swords with skulls on them all over the walls.

I sat next to a woman who used the "F" word continually, while her little daughter sat next to her. She talked about how her husband visited a whore house when he was overseas. She talked about how she couldn't keep a job and how she hated living in Virginia.

I made it a point to talk to every adult at the party. They were a colorful group, to say the least. I was uncomfortable. You wouldn't have known it, though. I tried to fit in as best as I could, and I smiled a lot.

Do you think if Jesus were alive He would have gone to the party? Would he have politely declined the invitation or would he have been excited about going? The more I read about Jesus' life, the more convinced I am that he would have been there and he would have been excited.

I can't tell you how glad I am that I went. I got into a really deep conversation with Samantha's mom. She struggles with depression, like me. She has fears about her kids, like me. She struggles at times with her husband, like me. She wants to be a better mom, like me.

Maybe we're not so different after all. Maybe God has put me in her life for a reason. Maybe God has put her in my life for a reason.

As we left I told Marissa how proud I was of her for having a good attitude and sticking it out. I told her that if Jesus were alive today he would have been at the party. I told her how important it is for us to live life with people far from God. We need to interact and have relationships with the lost, no matter how uncomfortable we feel. I'm praying that she understood and soaked it all in. I'm praying that she becomes a woman who, like Jesus, reaches out to the lost. The best way I know to teach her is to lead by example.

We have an amazing opportunity to teach our children how to live the Christian life. Pray this week that you are showing them how to really love God and love people, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you.

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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Back in the Day...Part Fourteen

Marissa's birth was just as traumatic as Dawson's. I'll spare you the details, but at least they got all the placenta out this time!!!! She was born on August 3, 2001.

We started Forefront with a women's ministry, doing "Ladies Night Out" events. They were every other month on Friday nights. We did lots of different things including bunko (in case you're wondering, bunko is a dice game), craft nights, pool parties, and scavenger hunts. In the beginning attendance was great. Lots of women were into it. But after several years of doing this, it just stopped being fun. Attendance was down and I was starting to get resentful. I'd put tons of time and energy into the events, and only a handful of women showed up. That sucked!

After much prayer and consideration we decided to stop the bi-monthly women's events. I thought it was going to be a big deal to the women, but it wasn't.

We also had an annual women's retreat. After 7 years of doing the retreat, I felt like God was saying, "Why don't you pour your time and energy into something that lasts more than a day." The women went nuts. I've never been attacked like this before. I hate conflict and I hate having the finger pointed at me. It was horrible. I had to meet with a bunch of women, there was a negative email that went around and I was a mess. Several years have gone by since then and all the steam has blown away. But when I was in the middle of it, I could barely breathe.

Often when we are in the middle of the storm it's virtually impossible to stand up. It's so important that we are connected to God so that we can get His perspective and he can give us His peace. I seriously don't know how I would have gotten through all this without Him. Not only so He could give me peace, but so that I would stand firm in my convictions.

Whether it's a rough labor and delivery, conflict with another person (or people), a strained relationship or just plain life, we need that connection to Him to survive.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Back in the Day...Part Thirteen

Forefront just celebrated it's 10th anniversary and, after ten years, we are still a "portable" church. We started Forefront in a movie theater; it was very cutting edge at the time. Now it seems like tons of new churches meet in movie theaters. It's a great place for a church, but there are obstacles to it as well. Especially in children's ministry. When we started we had these plastic crates that had pieces of wood that were bungee corded on top of them. Can you say, "CRAZY!" I don't know what we were thinking, but it worked for a while. One of the main concerns was the baby room, where little ones were crawling and picking up stale popcorn...yummy!

We outgrew our movie theater and moved into a high school. One of the benefits was that there were now desks for our children's classes...no more hazardous bungee corded tables to worry about! After a little while, the school kicked us out because of some air conditioning overhaul.

Then we moved into another high school. How in the world did anyone find us? Seriously, we were all over the city of Virginia Beach! We decided it was too far away from our target area and finally moved into the high school where we now meet. We've been there for 4 1/2 years.

Transition is difficult. Change sucks. Being portable is difficult, but it's not as bad as you think. And there are advantages to being portable, and to being able to "do church" in a place where non-Christians feel comfortable (rather than a church building, where they don't!). So if you're heading towards a church plant, yes, being portable will be nuts...but don't freak out. There are setbacks, but (as Gloria Gaynor sang) you will survive (You will survive...Hey, Hey)!

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Back in the Day...Part Twelve

Dawson was about 19 months old when I got pregnant with Marissa. If I thought that being pregnant with Dawson was hard, it was even worse with Marissa. I went through the whole sick routine (vomiting every 5 minutes) that I did with Dawson, but this time I had a toddler to deal with. On top of that the PIC line they inserted became infected, contaminating my blood with yeast. It took them several days to discover this, while I was lying around the hospital feeling like I was going to die. They took out my PIC line and inserted a new one...fun! Then I had to see a specialist for months to get rid of the yeast.

I have to admit that for about 16 weeks Dawson was babysat by the TV. I'd love to say that I worried about the negative effects of television on his tiny brain, but I was in survival mode and I didn't care.

Vince was about to lose his mind. He talks about his experience in his book:

"During this time my son was a year and a half old and my church was two and a half years old. Both led me to deal with a lot of crap. Unfortunately, my church did not wear a diaper. With my wife out of commission, my life became insane. I had new business cards printed up:

Vince Antonucci

-Full-Time Husband

-Upchuck Cleaner-Upper

-Full Time (and Basically Single) Dad

-Full Time Pastor

-Part-Time Nurse

-Someone please shoot me"

Our life sucked. It felt like we were trapped on some sort of horrible amusement park ride. Running a new church is hard enough on its own. Adding the chaos of our situation to the equation was madness.

Whatever you are going through, no matter how horrible, know that you are not alone. God is there holding you, ministering to you and comforting you, even though you might not see it at the time. God showed up in really sweet ways through our experiences. Some I recognized, others I didn't notice until after the storm had passed. It seems like my relationship with God grows sweeter through the darkness. Maybe I'm more desperate for him, maybe my eyes are more open, maybe he's closer to the hurting...I don't know. All I know is that even though my life sucked at that time, I don't regret it because I experienced God in a way that I don't think I would have otherwise. I learned to trust God. And that's a lesson worth throwing up for!
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Conferences Just for YOU!

There are two conferences coming up that you HAVE to attend.

The first is the National New Church Conference. It's in Orlando, FL from April 21-24, 2008. There will be a track just for Church Planting Spouses. 100 women have already registered! It's going to be an amazing event, with 7 different speakers (including me)! You'll have a chance to connect with other cp wives and be encouraged and challenged. Don't miss it! Click here for more information.

The next is the White Board Session in Reston, Virginia. This one's happening on May 22, 2008. It's a conference that you and your husband should attend. There will be awesome speakers, including Ed Stetzer, John Burke, Perry Noble, Mark Batterson and my hubby, Vince.

There will be a special luncheon just for the ladies from 12:00-1:30pm. I hear they got the most unbelievable, amazing, awesome speaker...OK, maybe not; it's just me! But, I do guarantee that you will have a really fun time! I mean you'll be eating at an awesome restaurant, connecting with other women and you even get a gift bag! It doesn't get much better than that!! What more could you want? Click here for more information.

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Thursday, March 6, 2008

Back in the Day...Part Eleven

OK, it's already part eleven and I haven't even gotten to April, 1999. I'm going to start speeding it up a little, so pay attention!

Our son, Dawson, arrived on April 22, 1999. I'd love to say that unlike the first 16 weeks of pregnancy, everything went awesome. But it didn't. Dawson's umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck so tightly that he was blue when he came out. Thankfully he was fine, but it was an intensely stressful situation. After a day in the hospital, they had some concerns about his health. They did a spinal tap, he had to wear a heart monitor, etc. etc. It turns out that he was fine.

I got home and became ill...like 104 degree temperature ill. After an ultrasound at the doctor's office they sent me back to the hospital for further observation. I was there and made no progress. After many doctors and many drugs and many days they did another ultrasound. It was then that they discovered that part of the placenta was left inside me. After surgery I was as good as new. (For those of you who have read Vince's book, it was during this time that the whole "Hold Me Jesus" story happened.) (By the way, if you haven't read his book, you should. It's so awesome. And I'm not just saying it because I'm supposed to. It's seriously amazing.)

I didn't realize how spoiled we were before we had kids. Starting a church and being involved in a new church is crazy. Adding a kid to the equation makes it even crazier. I used to think we were busy. Once Dawson joined the family, I realized that I wasn't nearly as busy as I thought. Once you add a little one to the picture everything becomes blurred.

In my opinion, the firstborn child is always the most stressful. Being a new mom, you have no idea what you are doing. In my case, everything was a big production, from feeding, bathing and sleeping to changing diapers, running errands and trying to stay sane. I went back to work part-time after 8 weeks. I worked in the office for 10 hours and at home for 10 hours a week. While I was at the office, Vince stayed with Dawson. There's nothing like pumping breast milk in your office or having your husband call you in a panic screaming, "What do I do?????" Good times...good times!

My focus was on Dawson and definitely not on Forefront. I think it's important for moms in the church planting world to give themselves a break. We put so much pressure on ourselves and our families. We act like the survival of the church rests on our shoulders. Thankfully it doesn't!

Remember that your main ministry is to your husband and children. Enjoy your time at home with your them. Different seasons of life will come. You won't be stuck at home with little ones forever. Enjoy it while you're there!

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