Vince and I did a Mother's Day sermon together on parenting. If you're up for it, click on one of the following links to hear the message. Some of the stuff we talked about I covered in this parenting series, other stuff is new. The name of the sermon was, "Spin" and the message starts out with a few lyrics of a song (in case you're wondering if you are at the right place).
Here is the link to the podcast message: http://forefront.org/audio/20080511-spin.mp3
Here is a link to the entire podcast: feed://www.forefront.org/ffpodcast.xml
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Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Session on Parenting, Part 12
Each of the participants at the conference got the following questions to reflect on with God. Get alone with God, spend some time in prayer, and answer these questions. I pray that they are a tool to bring health and change to your families.
1. What is your favorite thing to do with your family?
2. How often do you do it?
3. If there was one thing you could change about your family what would it be?
4. What are some non-negotiable boundaries that you set as a church planting family? Are there any that you wish you could add?
5. Do you feel like the church plant takes precedence over your family?
6. When was the last time you went on a vacation? If it’s been more than a year, schedule one!
7. What steps are you taking to ensure that your kids don’t end up like the “preachers’ kids” we all hear about? What else could you do?
8. Are you protecting your kids from the ugliness of the church?
9. What is something practical you could do to help your kids know that they are more important to you than the church?
10. How much time do you spend teaching your kids about God (including teachable moments)?
11. Are you guilty of living in and teaching your kids to live in the bubble? If so, what are some practical things you can do to change?
12. How often do you pray for protection over your family?
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1. What is your favorite thing to do with your family?
2. How often do you do it?
3. If there was one thing you could change about your family what would it be?
4. What are some non-negotiable boundaries that you set as a church planting family? Are there any that you wish you could add?
5. Do you feel like the church plant takes precedence over your family?
6. When was the last time you went on a vacation? If it’s been more than a year, schedule one!
7. What steps are you taking to ensure that your kids don’t end up like the “preachers’ kids” we all hear about? What else could you do?
8. Are you protecting your kids from the ugliness of the church?
9. What is something practical you could do to help your kids know that they are more important to you than the church?
10. How much time do you spend teaching your kids about God (including teachable moments)?
11. Are you guilty of living in and teaching your kids to live in the bubble? If so, what are some practical things you can do to change?
12. How often do you pray for protection over your family?
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Saturday, June 28, 2008
Session on Parenting, Part 11
Pray hard! Do you know that there is actually a church of Satan that prays and fasts against Christians, especially Christians in leadership? I guarantee that these people are aware of you and your plans to start a church in their area. And they are working against you. As wives, it is our responsibility to pray for our families. Never underestimate the power of Satan. Remember what Jesus says in John 10:10 about Satan, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
This whole concept of balancing on God alone is easy to hear, but hard to practice. I’ve done it both ways. I’ve walked next to God and I’ve allowed Him to carry me. Choosing to allow God to carry me takes vulnerability and humility. It’s much easier to walk next to someone than to ask them to hold you. God loves us so much. He wants to hold us. He doesn’t want to settle for hand holding. He wants all of us. You have to give Him all of you. Your marriage, your children and your church are in desperate need of it. And your Father in heaven desires it more than anything.
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This whole concept of balancing on God alone is easy to hear, but hard to practice. I’ve done it both ways. I’ve walked next to God and I’ve allowed Him to carry me. Choosing to allow God to carry me takes vulnerability and humility. It’s much easier to walk next to someone than to ask them to hold you. God loves us so much. He wants to hold us. He doesn’t want to settle for hand holding. He wants all of us. You have to give Him all of you. Your marriage, your children and your church are in desperate need of it. And your Father in heaven desires it more than anything.
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Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Stuck in Dial-Up Madness
I'm at my parent's right now, stuck in dial-up madness. I'm ready to pull my hair out.
I'll continue the parenting session when I get back in town.
In the meantime, I got a comment from a future church planting wife. Email her if you'd like:
"Hi. I'm looking for women I can talk to whose husbands are involved in church planting. Mine is planning on planting a church in a few years when we are done with Bible college. Anyone who wouldn't mind an extra friend who may be looking for encouragement and advice can e-mail me at breezyboes@gmail.com. Thanks. "
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I'll continue the parenting session when I get back in town.
In the meantime, I got a comment from a future church planting wife. Email her if you'd like:
"Hi. I'm looking for women I can talk to whose husbands are involved in church planting. Mine is planning on planting a church in a few years when we are done with Bible college. Anyone who wouldn't mind an extra friend who may be looking for encouragement and advice can e-mail me at breezyboes@gmail.com. Thanks. "
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Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Session on Parenting, Part 10
Along the same lines, I also want to talk about fear. We need to kick fear in the butt! As parents we have a huge amount of things to be fearful of. I have replayed bad Lifetime movies over and over again in my mind. “My child will be kidnapped in the lobby…Someone will come to my door and kill me and take my children…A terrible accident will leave me comatose and my children will have to be raised by monkeys!” If I allow it, my mind goes crazy with different scenarios of what might happen. If I’m not careful, I end up paralyzed by my fear.
One of the things that God has been teaching me is that fear is a total waste of time and a slap in the face of God. It’s very clear in the Bible that as Christians, we aren’t supposed to fear. Matthew 10:28-31 says, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
We’ve got to stop fearing simply because God is God. He knows about anything that has happened or can happen. And yet, he tells us not to fear.
Fear is one of my greatest strongholds. If it is one of your too, I want to encourage you to seek God. Become desperate for Him and ask Him to free you. Some verses that have helped me are Psalm 46:10, which simply says, “Be still and know that I am God.” Simple, yet profound. Another verse is 1 John 4:18 which says, “Perfect love drives out fear.” My all-time favorite fear verse is Isaiah 49:15-16, “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” Your children’s names are engraved on the palms of God. Let that soak in a minute…
Whatever we’re worried about, whether it’s your kids, your husband or your church plant, we’ve got to get it under control and allow God’s perfect love to free us.
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One of the things that God has been teaching me is that fear is a total waste of time and a slap in the face of God. It’s very clear in the Bible that as Christians, we aren’t supposed to fear. Matthew 10:28-31 says, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”
We’ve got to stop fearing simply because God is God. He knows about anything that has happened or can happen. And yet, he tells us not to fear.
Fear is one of my greatest strongholds. If it is one of your too, I want to encourage you to seek God. Become desperate for Him and ask Him to free you. Some verses that have helped me are Psalm 46:10, which simply says, “Be still and know that I am God.” Simple, yet profound. Another verse is 1 John 4:18 which says, “Perfect love drives out fear.” My all-time favorite fear verse is Isaiah 49:15-16, “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” Your children’s names are engraved on the palms of God. Let that soak in a minute…
Whatever we’re worried about, whether it’s your kids, your husband or your church plant, we’ve got to get it under control and allow God’s perfect love to free us.
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Monday, June 16, 2008
Session on Parenting, Part 9
We need to be more like Kuma. Kuma is our Pomeranian puppy that we got for the kids. He’s insane. My kids want to buy him all kinds of outfits, but Daddy has put his foot down, “Kuma will not wear clothes!” On a recent trip to Petsmart they found a really cute baseball shirt. I told them that Daddy wouldn’t let them buy it! I said that they could pick out something else to buy Kuma instead. What does my son find but…Doggy Bubbles. What in the world? Who comes up with this stuff…
These are special peanut butter flavored bubbles. When your dog pops them they taste peanut butter. Cleaver….Weird…Sick. So many of us live in a Christian bubble. And so many of us teach our children how to live in the bubble. We don’t teach them how to relate to the lost.
Church planting is the number one way to reach the lost. Jesus said in Luke 19:10, “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." Hopefully your church is, or will be, filled with lost people. This means that you’re going to have to hang around them. They smoke, drink, curse, let their kids watch inappropriate movies, etc. The first thing we need to do is take a look at ourselves and find out if we are guilty of living in the bubble. Are we connecting with lost people on a regular basis? When’s the last time you talked to a non-Christian? How do you talk about the lost? Do you use negative words to describe them and their behavior, or are your words seasoned with love and grace and sadness?
Second, we’ve got to teach our kids on a daily basis. We constantly use examples from our kids’ lives to teach them about living the Christian life. Vince is a genius at this. He can take something very ordinary and turn it into a great Biblical truth. For instance, my son was having trouble with a boy in his class. The kid stole his pencil and then lied about it to the teacher. Dawson was very upset, but is totally non-confrontational, so he didn’t do anything about it. We used that experience to teach him basic Biblical truths about showing mercy and grace to people who don’t deserve it and about how people who don’t know God live differently than people who do follow God. It wasn’t done in a negative, judgmental way. We spoke the truth to Dawson about the kid in love. The next day Dawson brought the boy a pencil and told him that he was giving it to him because he thought he might need an extra one. How cool is that? We’ve got to teach our kids what it really means to follow Jesus and what that looks like in their little lives.
I’m not going to lie to you. This is scary stuff. I understand life in the bubble. It’s safe and cozy. I don’t have to worry about negative influences, bad things happening, etc. I understand about the fear of too much exposure and wanting to protect our little ones. But, if we’re going to follow Jesus’ example we’ve got to allow our kids to do life with people who are far from him. Yes, we need to be wise. Yes, we need to pray like crazy. But we can’t keep them locked up in the bubble. The first part of 2 Corinthians 5:20 says, “We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.” Imagine if the US Ambassador to France never went to France. If we follow Jesus’ example, we have to spend time with the lost.
I’ll give you an example of how this can be scary. We have a neighbor that has a daughter Marissa’s age. Her Mom is in the Navy and her Dad owns his own business. The house is a party-zone and there are people in and out all the time. They have as many as 2 guys living there at a time. It’s a horrible environment. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they have a framed 16x20 picture of Satan smoking a cigar above their fireplace. As if that wasn’t bad enough, when you look closely at the picture you see that it is actually made up of drawings of naked women. Yikes.
Samantha is extremely outgoing. She comes to our house constantly and always asks if Marissa can come to her house. Our answer is always, “You two can play here. Marissa can’t come to your house today.” It’s awkward, but we stick to it because living life with the lost doesn’t mean that I check my brain at the door; boundaries are good! Marissa is friends with her, but we have limits on that friendship. And, after every play date we talk. “How was your time with Samantha? What did you talk about? How did that make you feel?” And we pray for her and ask God to bring Samantha’s family to Him. We invite them to church, and surprisingly Samantha often comes with us.
Is it scary for me to allow my daughter to play with Samantha? Yes. But we’ve got to remember that Jesus never ran from scary people or scary situations. He embraced them and loved them and invited them to come to Him. We’ve got to do the same. And we’ve got to teach our kids how to do this. It’s time to pop the bubbles.
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These are special peanut butter flavored bubbles. When your dog pops them they taste peanut butter. Cleaver….Weird…Sick. So many of us live in a Christian bubble. And so many of us teach our children how to live in the bubble. We don’t teach them how to relate to the lost.
Church planting is the number one way to reach the lost. Jesus said in Luke 19:10, “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." Hopefully your church is, or will be, filled with lost people. This means that you’re going to have to hang around them. They smoke, drink, curse, let their kids watch inappropriate movies, etc. The first thing we need to do is take a look at ourselves and find out if we are guilty of living in the bubble. Are we connecting with lost people on a regular basis? When’s the last time you talked to a non-Christian? How do you talk about the lost? Do you use negative words to describe them and their behavior, or are your words seasoned with love and grace and sadness?
Second, we’ve got to teach our kids on a daily basis. We constantly use examples from our kids’ lives to teach them about living the Christian life. Vince is a genius at this. He can take something very ordinary and turn it into a great Biblical truth. For instance, my son was having trouble with a boy in his class. The kid stole his pencil and then lied about it to the teacher. Dawson was very upset, but is totally non-confrontational, so he didn’t do anything about it. We used that experience to teach him basic Biblical truths about showing mercy and grace to people who don’t deserve it and about how people who don’t know God live differently than people who do follow God. It wasn’t done in a negative, judgmental way. We spoke the truth to Dawson about the kid in love. The next day Dawson brought the boy a pencil and told him that he was giving it to him because he thought he might need an extra one. How cool is that? We’ve got to teach our kids what it really means to follow Jesus and what that looks like in their little lives.
I’m not going to lie to you. This is scary stuff. I understand life in the bubble. It’s safe and cozy. I don’t have to worry about negative influences, bad things happening, etc. I understand about the fear of too much exposure and wanting to protect our little ones. But, if we’re going to follow Jesus’ example we’ve got to allow our kids to do life with people who are far from him. Yes, we need to be wise. Yes, we need to pray like crazy. But we can’t keep them locked up in the bubble. The first part of 2 Corinthians 5:20 says, “We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.” Imagine if the US Ambassador to France never went to France. If we follow Jesus’ example, we have to spend time with the lost.
I’ll give you an example of how this can be scary. We have a neighbor that has a daughter Marissa’s age. Her Mom is in the Navy and her Dad owns his own business. The house is a party-zone and there are people in and out all the time. They have as many as 2 guys living there at a time. It’s a horrible environment. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they have a framed 16x20 picture of Satan smoking a cigar above their fireplace. As if that wasn’t bad enough, when you look closely at the picture you see that it is actually made up of drawings of naked women. Yikes.
Samantha is extremely outgoing. She comes to our house constantly and always asks if Marissa can come to her house. Our answer is always, “You two can play here. Marissa can’t come to your house today.” It’s awkward, but we stick to it because living life with the lost doesn’t mean that I check my brain at the door; boundaries are good! Marissa is friends with her, but we have limits on that friendship. And, after every play date we talk. “How was your time with Samantha? What did you talk about? How did that make you feel?” And we pray for her and ask God to bring Samantha’s family to Him. We invite them to church, and surprisingly Samantha often comes with us.
Is it scary for me to allow my daughter to play with Samantha? Yes. But we’ve got to remember that Jesus never ran from scary people or scary situations. He embraced them and loved them and invited them to come to Him. We’ve got to do the same. And we’ve got to teach our kids how to do this. It’s time to pop the bubbles.
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Thursday, June 12, 2008
Session on Parenting, Part 8
Another thing we need to do is to teach our kids how to have a relationship with God. We don’t want them to think of God as being a part of their life, but instead that God is their life.
First, we need to lead by example. If we’re not living out a relationship with God, we can’t expect our kids to.
Second, we need to actually teach them how to have a relationship with God. Teach them how to read the Bible. Have time everyday where you are helping them do a Bible Study of some kind. For us, it happens before school. Maybe bedtime works better for you.
We need to teach our kids what prayer looks like. Do they think it’s something you do before dinner and bedtime or do they see it as a conversation with their loving Father?
Have them memorize verses that speak to them and their circumstances. Marissa struggles with fear at bedtime, so we wrote some Bible verses on paper and taped them to her wall so she could read them as she falls asleep.
The greatest gift we can give our kids is to teach them to love God and love people. Figure out how that will look in your family and put it into practice.
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First, we need to lead by example. If we’re not living out a relationship with God, we can’t expect our kids to.
Second, we need to actually teach them how to have a relationship with God. Teach them how to read the Bible. Have time everyday where you are helping them do a Bible Study of some kind. For us, it happens before school. Maybe bedtime works better for you.
We need to teach our kids what prayer looks like. Do they think it’s something you do before dinner and bedtime or do they see it as a conversation with their loving Father?
Have them memorize verses that speak to them and their circumstances. Marissa struggles with fear at bedtime, so we wrote some Bible verses on paper and taped them to her wall so she could read them as she falls asleep.
The greatest gift we can give our kids is to teach them to love God and love people. Figure out how that will look in your family and put it into practice.
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Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Session on Parenting, Part 7
When I was growing up my sister and I fought like cats and dogs. Looking back I wonder, “Why did my parents allow us to do that?” Aren’t parents the ones who are in charge! We can say Yes or No to our children’s behavior.
I don’t put up with my kids fighting with each other. There are consequences for their behavior. Their relationship will last longer than any other relationship they have. I want them to encourage and support each other; not tear each other down. I encourage them to talk about the situation. Sometimes I help them through it, and sometimes I leave them to work it out on their own. I’m teaching them how to communicate with respect. I’m teaching them how to listen. And they are learning how to problem-solve.
The key is starting young, I think. As soon as Marissa was born I instilled the idea that they are best friends. It’s something they’ve learned and understood more over time. But don’t feel defeated if your kids are older. It’s never too late to teach them new things. We have a God who loves to give fresh starts. Pray and ask God how you can do this in a way that really brings about change.
It’s really important that we model this behavior to our children. How do you communicate with your spouse? If you and your husband fight constantly, then of course your kids will fight. That’s all they know. To them it’s normal.
There is hope for our families. Sometimes we, as the parents, are the first ones who need to change. This is humbling and difficult, but it’s possible with God. And if your foundation is God; if you’re balancing on him, then he will help you do it. You won’t have to do it yourself.
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I don’t put up with my kids fighting with each other. There are consequences for their behavior. Their relationship will last longer than any other relationship they have. I want them to encourage and support each other; not tear each other down. I encourage them to talk about the situation. Sometimes I help them through it, and sometimes I leave them to work it out on their own. I’m teaching them how to communicate with respect. I’m teaching them how to listen. And they are learning how to problem-solve.
The key is starting young, I think. As soon as Marissa was born I instilled the idea that they are best friends. It’s something they’ve learned and understood more over time. But don’t feel defeated if your kids are older. It’s never too late to teach them new things. We have a God who loves to give fresh starts. Pray and ask God how you can do this in a way that really brings about change.
It’s really important that we model this behavior to our children. How do you communicate with your spouse? If you and your husband fight constantly, then of course your kids will fight. That’s all they know. To them it’s normal.
There is hope for our families. Sometimes we, as the parents, are the first ones who need to change. This is humbling and difficult, but it’s possible with God. And if your foundation is God; if you’re balancing on him, then he will help you do it. You won’t have to do it yourself.
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Monday, June 9, 2008
Session on Parenting, Part 6
Protect your kids from the ugliness of the church. Don’t have conversations in front of them. Remember that they are listening and watching. Keep the church drama away from them.
Our kids are completely clueless about the inner workings of Forefront. They couldn’t tell you anything about anyone. We are very careful to guard them from negative thoughts about the church. We want them to grow up loving the church and respecting it.
If you have to communicate with your spouse, try emailing or do it when the kids are asleep; and make sure they’re actually asleep!
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Our kids are completely clueless about the inner workings of Forefront. They couldn’t tell you anything about anyone. We are very careful to guard them from negative thoughts about the church. We want them to grow up loving the church and respecting it.
If you have to communicate with your spouse, try emailing or do it when the kids are asleep; and make sure they’re actually asleep!
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Friday, June 6, 2008
Technical Difficulty
My internet is toast until Saturday night. I'm afraid I ran over the cable with my lawnmower. Oops!
I'll be back!
I'll be back!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Session on Parenting, Part 4
Raise children, not pastor’s kids. My kids are “planter/pastor’s kids.” The funny thing is that they have no idea what that means. All the negative connotations that come with that term are lost on them. To them being a pastor’s kid means having people over (which is fun), traveling with Daddy (which is fun), and being themselves.
Don’t place huge standards on your kids. Don’t be one of those moms whose all about “the show.” Allow your kids to be themselves.
My son, Dawson, is really shy. He’s not very expressive. In worship on Sunday mornings, while everyone is dancing and singing, he doesn’t. He stands, but he doesn’t sing or dance. I’m totally ok with that. I don’t care what other people think. To ask him to sing and dance would be like asking him to cut his arm off. I’m way more concerned with my child than I am about the people at our church.
Also, for some reason it’s really important to Dawson that I pick him up as soon as service is over. It’s difficult sometimes, but I make it a priority to be the first one in line at pickup time. It means the world to him, and if someone needs to talk to me, we can talk in the lobby after I get the kids.
If something is best for your child, but doesn’t make sense to other people, that’s ok. Allow your children to be who they are. We don’t want Dawson and Marissa’s identity to be built around the church or people in the church. Our goal is that their identity is simply, “I am the one Jesus loves.”
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Don’t place huge standards on your kids. Don’t be one of those moms whose all about “the show.” Allow your kids to be themselves.
My son, Dawson, is really shy. He’s not very expressive. In worship on Sunday mornings, while everyone is dancing and singing, he doesn’t. He stands, but he doesn’t sing or dance. I’m totally ok with that. I don’t care what other people think. To ask him to sing and dance would be like asking him to cut his arm off. I’m way more concerned with my child than I am about the people at our church.
Also, for some reason it’s really important to Dawson that I pick him up as soon as service is over. It’s difficult sometimes, but I make it a priority to be the first one in line at pickup time. It means the world to him, and if someone needs to talk to me, we can talk in the lobby after I get the kids.
If something is best for your child, but doesn’t make sense to other people, that’s ok. Allow your children to be who they are. We don’t want Dawson and Marissa’s identity to be built around the church or people in the church. Our goal is that their identity is simply, “I am the one Jesus loves.”
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Monday, June 2, 2008
Session on Parenting, Part 3
Take vacations. Get out of town. Do it with the kids. Do it without the kids. Just go!
We need to be refreshed. We need to connect apart from our daily lives. We need the fun and excitement that vacations provide. We need the seclusion, the opportunity to just be ourselves, away from everyone that belongs to our church.
When Vince travels, we try to travel with him. I have no problem pulling the kids out of school. In fact, my kids are here now. We came a few days early to go to Universal Studios. We drive a lot of places, instead of flying to keep the cost down. We chose inexpensive hotels (there are so many good deals online). There are ways to do it. Sometimes you have to be more creative than others.
Even one night away will make a difference. Whatever you do, make it a priority. The health of your family is worth any cost or inconvenience.
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We need to be refreshed. We need to connect apart from our daily lives. We need the fun and excitement that vacations provide. We need the seclusion, the opportunity to just be ourselves, away from everyone that belongs to our church.
When Vince travels, we try to travel with him. I have no problem pulling the kids out of school. In fact, my kids are here now. We came a few days early to go to Universal Studios. We drive a lot of places, instead of flying to keep the cost down. We chose inexpensive hotels (there are so many good deals online). There are ways to do it. Sometimes you have to be more creative than others.
Even one night away will make a difference. Whatever you do, make it a priority. The health of your family is worth any cost or inconvenience.
Featured on newchurches.com
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