I really struggle with how much to share in this blog. On one hand, I want to be totally honest because I think honesty will benefit you the most. On the other hand, my pride would like you to believe that I am perfect and that my life ROCKS! In the end, I've humbly decided to choose honesty because I think it's way more beneficial to you. Church planting is HARD work; if I pretend that it's not then I'm doing you a huge disservice.
In case you haven't picked up on it in my recent posts, my life has kind of gone down the toilet. My depression has increased, my time with God has decreased, my relationship with Vince is strained and I'm having trouble getting out of bed.
In my last post I mentioned that this past weekend was life changing for me. For the first time in a long time I feel alive again.
I'm not really sure what happened. I think there are a ton of contributing factors. I could go on and on about the mistakes I've made over the past months. Instead of dwelling on the negative, I'll tell you what I did right. It's quite simple actually: I cried out for help!
I have a group of girls that I love with all my heart. They are staggered throughout the country. Some are in ministry and some aren't. They all have one thing in common though. They love God and they love me (I guess that's really two things).
When I finally got desperate, I sent out some emails. I was completely honest and told them how I was feeling and what was going on. I asked for some huge prayer support. My only regret is that I didn't cry out for help sooner. Once the prayers, emails and calls started I began to feel better. Their unconditional love and kindness helped me in ways that I didn't even realize it could.
The second thing I did was to get back on track with God. Making God my priority was vital to my overall well-being. This is actually the most important thing, but I honestly needed a little pushing, prodding and encouragement from my friends to do this.
I say all this to encourage you. Because you are a church planting wife, you will have times like this. You will have days or periods of time that you feel like your life is an absolute mess. You will want to quit. You will want to run away, retreat and curl up in a ball. I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not a freak show.
My best recommendation is to cry out for help. You've got to reach your hand out of your pit and ask for help. Whether it's to one person or hundreds, you've got to do it. You will be changed because of it.
The whole purpose of this blog is to be an encouragement and support for you. Feel free to email me anytime at j_antonucci@hotmail.com. At least you'll have one person who understands and whose experienced what you are going through.
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