I'm doing a Bible study by Beth Moore called, "Esther." I highly recommend it. Yesterday I studied the text from Esther 5:11-14 (please read it so you better understand what I'm saying). Haman is having major issues with Mordecai. He is consumed with anger and hatred for Mordecai. After attending Esther's banquet with the king he is flying high; that is until he sees Mordecai at the king's gate. He goes home and throws a party for his wife and friends to tell them how awesome he is. After bragging about how amazing he is he mentions in verse 13 that "all of this (awesomeness) gives me no satisfaction as long as I see that Jew Mordecai sitting at the king's gate."
Then his lovely wife comes up with a solution that blows my mind. She recommends that Haman build a 75-foot high gallows to have Mordecai hanged on. What? That is your brilliant solution? Way to go, Zeresh!
There are a few things that I want to talk about so I'm going to split this post into two days. I'm stealing a bunch of stuff from Beth's study. She has much better things to say than I do! The first thing I want to focus on is Zeresh, Haman's wife. As you read this, think about yourself and your role in your husband's life and ministry.
Haman was a pretty difficult person to be around, I assume. Just reading about him makes me want to kick him in the butt. Imagine being married to him? He's throwing an "I'm Awesome" party and then right in the middle of it he decides to throw a pity party for himself about Mordecai. His wife, who I'm sure knows him inside and out, decides to come up with a quick solution to the problem. Maybe she wants to shut him up? Maybe she hates conflict? Maybe she knew that Bobby McFerrin was going to write, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" and so, out of spite, she decided to say it first? Maybe she genuinely cares about him and hates seeing him in so much pain? Maybe she hated Mordecai as much as Haman? Whatever the reason, she blurts out the first thing that probably came to her mind, "Have him killed" and then "Go with the king to the dinner and be happy." Now that's some good advice, huh?
Think about your marriage. Think about how you handle yourself when your husband gets down on himself, gets angry at someone else, or gets frustrated with you. Do you try to fix the problem immediately? Are you rash in the way you handle the situation, possibly speaking before you really think it through? Do you ever offer advice that you wish you could take back? Personally, I hate conflict. I'll do almost anything to avoid it. My biggest problem is speaking and acting too quickly, without proper thought or prayer, often just to avoid a problem.
Dr. Karen Jobes points out that, "Zeresh counsels him simply to eliminate immediately the cause of his dissatisfaction." Beth goes on to say, "What kinds of risks are we taking when we pursue the immediate elimination of dissatisfaction? Often our advice for our loved ones is pure and selfless, but other times we want our family member to get some resolution because he's about to drive us over the emotional edge."
Beth then goes on to talk about Jezebel and the power she had over King Ahab. In 1 Kings 21:1-16 Ahab is being a baby because he didn't get what he wanted. Jezebel takes charge and solves the problem herself. Why does the solution always include the death of someone? These Bible women are nuts!!!
Two of the conclusions Beth makes are that as women we have tons of persuasive power-both positive and negative-in our homes. And second, women need and crave peace. What are we willing to do to get it?
She asked the following questions for reflection. Answer them honestly and think about them not only in terms of your husband, but also in terms of the people in your life.
1. Do I have a low tolerance for the discomforts and upsets of those around me?
2. Do I feel pressured to come up with solutions to a loved one's persisting problems?
3. Do I ever grow weary enough of my loved one's problem that I could be tempted to give advice normally uncharacteristic of me?
4. Do I tend to get inordinately wrapped up in my loved one's conflicts with people and develop strong feelings like jealousy, resentment, or hatred toward their opponent?
5. Do I tend to take a quick trip from passionate to irrational?
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