I just spent this past weekend with 3 of my best friends from Virginia Beach. They made the long and expensive trek to Vegas. I had the time of my life! I didn't realize how much I missed my girlfriends until I spent time with them. We laughed, cried, giggled like little girls, and shared our hearts with each other. I feel like life was breathed into me. I am supercharged and feel ready to conquer the world!The loneliness of church planting can be overwhelming. It wasn't until I spent time in deep conversation with my girlfriends that I realized how lonely I am. I have good relationships here, but there is something about having no-holds-barred, deep relationships that is good for the soul.
I think about women in my situation who don't have good relationships with people and I feel sad. If I feel lonely and have good friendships, what about those of us who don't? The loneliness must be suffocating. If you are lonely will you leave a short comment (anonymously, if you want) so we can pray for you? I want this blog to be a source of community for church planting wives. I would love for us to develop relationships with each other. I think just being honest about where we're at is a good place to start!
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10 comments:
I would definitely say it's lonely to be in church planting. I am about a month and half in and realized about 2 weeks ago that I was totally sad and lonely because of how much I missed the relationships and close friendships we had left behind. Thankfully we are only about an hour and half away from where we moved from that we can still meet friends in the middle. I know I could sure use prayer for strength to invest in building new friendships. It can be hard to start all over again because friendship takes time to build and there is no shortcut to deep friendship. Thanks for the blog.
Miss you Jen...wish I could have made the trip with them...I'm sure it was a blast!
I often wonder about those kinds of relationships. Ever since I have been married my closest friend has always been my husband. We have moved a lot in our marriage. In the military for the first 6 years, then moved to go to go to seminary and now church planting. The longest we have ever been anywhere is 4 years.
I don't have close girlfriends like you describe. I don't feel like I miss it though. Maybe I am wired differently then most women. Because of that the moves in our lives have not been terrible for me. Does that make sense?
Where we are now I hope will end up being home. So I would like to develop those kinds of relationships. It is just hard to do when you have never done it. I guess I feel like if I am new to an area everyone already has their close friends. Any suggestions for me?
We moved to Texas 2 1/2 years ago to plant a church. It has been by far the hardest thing I have ever done. We moved when our kids were 2 yrs old and 3 months old. I have definitely felt lonely alot of the time. Our families are in the southeast so we don't see them nearly as often as we'd like. The good is that I've truly had to reach out to my community to develop relationships with other moms and women. This past weekend, my husband was really sick. It was difficult to help him and be there for the kids without going crazy. I definitely felt a sense of resentment of being so far away from family & friends that just know you and you can ask for help without feeling guilty or like a burden. Thanks for being honest about where you are and letting us share too.
We are not church planters but my husband became a pastor a year ago to a small church in Norfolk. I have friends here and thought I wouldn't become lonely until a few months ago. We have been so busy at the new church and my friends are so busy with their own church and familys. I never thought I would feel this way or be going through this. Hubby is my close friend, always has been but now he has so much on his plate. I don't think it matters if your a church planters wife or not. This pastor wife business is just plain lonely for many of us.
My husband and I moved back to his hometown to start a student ministry. We left a rather large student program to come here to a smallish church that had no student program whatsoever. The senior pastor was my husbands mentor. None of my family live here (south carolina) and I am from Boston, MA, so all my friends are there. It can be very isolating!!! All our time is spent with teenagers or older friends of hubby's who don't seem to "get" a northerner - who would've believed that was an actual, cultural thing???? But trust me... IT IS!!!!
I feel you girl! I met my hubby in MI when we were in college. i moved to MI from WI for college. i lived there for 8 years, and those were very formative years for me. my mom moved while i was away, so i had no roots back home in WI to come back to. i developed some amazing relationships in MI. those "no holds barred" ones you spoke of. we went through college together, finding spouses, some had kids, moving, jobs, churches, etc. you just can't recreate that stuff!
when we moved here to WI we moved for a youth pastor job. so, the only people we knew here were my family and the people at our new church. then we went from that job to planting a church. we haven't had the opportunity to build those kind of relationships here.
while we have wonderful people around us here, it's just not THOSE relationships. church planting is lonely and hard and satan loves to isolate us - especially when things are hard and you're questioning everything you're doing and wondering if this can really work.
i'm so glad you had that time with your girls!! what a special gift! thanks for sharing...even though it makes me long for that! :)
I know that the Lord led me to read this blog today. My husband and I started a church 2 years ago. I work in a secular job 4 days a week and the rest of my time is taken up with ministry responsibilities and taking care of my children, husband, and our home. I have times of feeling incredibly lonely and I am not sure how to remedy the situation. It is good to read that I am not the only pastor's wife that feels this way.
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My husband and I planted a church almost 5 years ago now. We moved back to a community we had left 4 years prior. Initially many of our good friends attended our church. Then, for various reasons, almost all of them stopped coming and joined other churches. This has been hard. I want to only want God's approval, but their rejection of our church feels so personal. I have lots of wonderful ladies in my church now, but don't form deep relationships with them. I feel like I am supposed to be the strong one. I work full time and have some friends there, but again feel like I am supposed to set the example and be strong. I don't want anyone to have a bad impression of church, so I keep my loneliness to myself. thanks for letting me share.
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