Church Planting Wives

If the Shoe Fits...

2008-07-15T20:22:00.003-04:00

I have a pair of shoes that I love! They're nothing special; not expensive or fancy. I just love them. They're cute and comfortable...a perfect combination.

Upon entering my closet yesterday I noticed little pieces of fabric all over the floor. I gasped and yelled, "Kuma, I'm going to kill you!" Yep, my little Pomeranian puppy had destroyed my favorite shoes.

I immediately started searching for them online. Surely someone would have them. My search ended and I was depressed. I couldn't find the shoes.

This morning in my quiet time I talked to God about my shoes. I said, "I know they're just shoes, but I love them!" I realize the stupidity of my prayer. People are starving for heaven's sake, and I'm worried about a pair of $30 shoes.

I think sometimes as Christians we don't ask God for things because we're embarrassed or ashamed. We look at the world around us and think, "Why would God care about this (finding the perfect outfit, getting a good haircut, finding something on sale, etc.) when there are much bigger things for Him to be concerned about." And so we don't ask Him.

1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Did you notice the word all in there.

I have two kids. When they're upset about something or want something I really want them to tell me. I want to hear about every baseball card that Dawson wants. I want to know when Marissa is upset about a situation that happened at school. I want to know all of it; every detail.

What's on your mind and in your heart? What are you hoping for? A good parking spot? Ask him. No line at the Walmart check out lane? Ask him. A friend for your daughter? Ask him. A nice day off with your husband? Ask him. Nothing is too big or too small. Invite him in to every detail of your life, even the mundane and seemingly stupid.

As I walked into Kohl's today Marissa and I prayed, "I know they're just shoes, but could you please have them here in my size?" We went up and down every aisle. I turned the corner and there they were, in my size (and on sale!). I literally screamed with delight. I hugged Marissa and said, "God heard our prayer! Here are the shoes!" We hugged and I was elated for the rest of the day (and still am).

I keep picturing God watching the situation from heaven, seeing me scream with excitement, giving glory to him the whole time, and thinking, "I know they're just shoes, but look at her!"

Are the shoes important? No. Are there more important things I should be praying about? Yes. But according to 1 Peter 5:7, God cares about it, simply because I care about it.

And yes, I really do pray before I get a haircut!

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"Leave Me Alone!"

2008-07-12T13:22:00.004-04:00

My son's Nintendo DS got stolen out of my car last week. All of his games got stolen too. I've been spending the past few days replacing everything that was stolen. I didn't lock my car door, so technically I'm to blame.

My dog, Kuma, got fleas. To say that I'm over it would be an understatement.

I got a virus on my computer, locking me out of everything.

Our bedroom closet broke so everything is strewn on our bedroom floor.

My house is totally trashed from traveling and having company at my house.

Does this sound familiar to you? Do you have days or weeks like this where you just want to scream, "Leave Me Alone!" and crawl into bed?

Do you know that as church planting families we have a large target on our backs? Satan is really not happy with us. Because of us, people's lives are being changed. Because of us, light is being brought into darkness. Because of us, people are being saved.

What does your target look like? What is the most effective way for Satan to knock you down? Maybe it's a temptation or addiction? Maybe it's money or your job? Is it the kids or your marriage?

One of the ways Satan knocks me down is when I feel like I'm out of control; when things are in chaos (pretty much life right now)! So what do I do about it? First, I need to spend time with God before I start getting things in order (which, by the way, is the exact opposite of what I want to do). I need to ask God to chill me out and to give me His perspective. Then, in the words of Nike, I need to just do it! So often I feel overwhelmed and depressed and end up doing nothing. I feel horrible, but don't do anything about it...how lame is that? And finally, once I'm feeling better and my life is back in order I need to prevent it from happening again. I need to live my life proactively instead of letting life hit me upside the head.

Think about your struggles and temptations. How does Satan get you down? Figure out a plan and fight against him with everything you've got!

"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." (Ephesians 6:11).

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Lindsay Kuhl

2008-07-07T19:18:00.002-04:00

Throughout the summer I'm going to be posting stories from other church planting wives. Please email me your story at j_antonucci@hotmail.com. Today's post is from Lindsay Kuhl.

1. When and where will you be starting your church?

The plan is for Mosaic to launch on September 14, 2008 at the Muvico Theater in the Arundel Mills Mall in Hanover, Maryland…about 20 miles northeast of D.C. and 10 miles southwest of Baltimore.

2. Where at you at in the church planting process?

We moved here on January 12 of this year and have been getting settled, trying to get used to the area and meet as many people as possible. So, according to all of the church-planting terms we are in the middle of “pre-launch”.

3. Give us some history about you, your past, family set up, etc.

My name is Lindsay Kuhl, and I’m married to Carl with a 1 year old (July 16) little girl named Reagan. I’m also 9 weeks pregnant. I grew up in a Christian home and met Carl at Bible College in Cincinnati. We dated for about 9 months in college, but because of my stupidity, we broke up for 2 years. During that time, I learned a lot about humility and my relationship with Christ became mine and not just my parents’.

While Carl was in Virginia Beach doing is internship at Forefront (this is how I know Jen), we got back together and quickly got engaged and married. We got married in June of 2003, and in August, we moved to Virginia Beach where Carl became full time at Forefront as the Creative Arts Director. We met some great people while we were in VA Beach and it was great for our marriage. It was also good for me to be a part of Forefront because I grew up in a more traditional environment. Being a part of Forefront helped me be more compassionate for the lost and more forgiving, less judgmental of the saved.

In the summer of 2005, Carl was contacted by his home church in Louisville, KY, Southeast Christian Church, to come on staff for a year (give or take a few months) as the Resident Church Planter. Southeast had been involved in church planting before, but only financially, and they felt like it was time for them to become more “hands on” in the church planting world. The deal was that Carl would be on staff at Southeast as a resident, to learn the ins and outs of church leadership, programming, and more, and when his residency was up, Southeast would send him out to plant a church with not only financial support, but with a lot of experience and leaders behind him.

Carl’s dream has been to lead a church through preaching for a long time and God just happened to open this door for us to plant. There was a long process of deciding where to plant, but basically, Southeast wanted us to focus on the northeast part of the country because of the fact that a lot of the stats on the un-churched change starting from D.C. and going north. So, we looked at several places north of D.C. from Baltimore all they way up to Providence and Boston, and settled on Baltimore.

Our time in Louisville was great. We loved every second of it. Most of Carl’s family is there and my family is all in Cincinnati, so we were close to “home” when Reagan was born, and Carl learned so much being at Southeast. Now, we’re here, in the thick of it…trying to hold on for our lives!

4. What are some of the good and bad from your experience...lessons learned, etc.?

Since we are so new at this, I don’t have a lot of “good, bad and ugly” yet so to speak. I guess some of the good is also some of the bad…since we knew no one when we moved, we have had to spend a lot of time together…this can be good, but it can be bad as well. Especially for me, I think, because I love girlfriends, and there are some things I love talking about to girls that Carl just doesn’t get…as much as he tries, he just doesn’t. It’s really strengthened my faith to be here because at times, it gets really lonely and I have to constantly remind myself that God is all I need.

5. What's one piece of advice that you think every church planting wife needs to hear?

The one piece of advice I have comes in the form of a question…”Are you a drip?”

About 2 weeks before we moved here, our marriage started to struggle more than it ever had before…I didn’t really notice it until about a week after we moved here and we had unpacked all of the boxes, his family had left to go back to Louisville (his mom and brother helped us move) and it was just us, all by ourselves. We were arguing more than we’d ever argued…about nothing important, of course and we were just becoming distant.

I’m in the habit of reading a Proverb every day, along with whatever else I’m reading in the Bible, and of course, one day when it was really bad, I got to Proverbs 27:15. It says, “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.” You know sometimes when you don’t turn the faucet off all the way and there is this drip, drip, drip, drip, in the sink? Maybe the drip is subtle, or maybe it’s really annoying because of what it’s hitting...water in a dish, the bottom of the sink…no matter what, it’s really annoying.

When I read that verse, I realized, that’s what I had been. I was being really annoying. I was nit-picking, whining, short…all things I didn’t want to be. After really reflecting on this verse, I realized that the majority of our problems were because of me. Things didn’t get perfect overnight, but once I acknowledged that I was a “drip” and confessed this to God, my spirit and attitude toward Carl began to change and our relationship has been getting better ever since. It’s a good question to ask yourself…”are you a drip?” If so, don’t be…turn the faucet off all the way!

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Juli Cason

2008-07-03T11:49:00.003-04:00

Throughout the summer I'm going to be posting stories from other church planting wives. Please email me your story at j_antonucci@hotmail.com. Today's post is from Juli Cason.

"What?? I am not pastor’s wife material!”

I’ll never forget gasping those words on my honeymoon in 1999. It was the last night of our cruise and my husband, Chuck, had just told me he was pretty sure he was supposed to be a pastor someday.

We weren’t even Christians. Chuck had grown up going to church. In fact, his father was a pastor for a number of years. But, when Chuck was 16 he decided it was all junk and decided to do life his way. I grew up as a “holiday Catholic.” We went to church on Easter and Christmas Eve. I was never “confirmed,” nor did I ever learn about having a relationship with Jesus. When I was 16 I chose the path of partying and did so as often as I could. Chuck and I met in a bar.

Fast forward 15 months from our honeymoon. We gave our lives to Jesus and got baptized.

Fast forward another 15 months. We moved to Virginia Beach, VA.

Four months after that we found Forefront Church. It was wild and crazy and we were sure the small southern Baptist church that we’d come from wouldn’t approve. We got involved in a Gel Group (small group) and each began serving in various ministry areas. Our lives really began to change for the better.

About a year and a half after coming to Forefront, I became Vince’s (lead pastor) administrative assistant. I was very excited to work for Forefront and in preparation I read a TON of Vince’s messages that he gave at various conferences. It was then that I truly fell in love with Forefront. I realized that every opening secular song, wacky video, top ten list, etc. was so completely intentional. Chuck realized this all along and loved that Forefront did church in a way that made people truly far from God comfortable enough to come and learn about God.

In 2005 Forefront revisited its original vision to be a multi-campus church. I was pumped. I lived 35 minutes away from where we met on Sunday mornings, so inviting people was a challenge. But, if we opened a campus closer to where I lived, I could invite my neighbors and friends. I’ll never forget the staff meeting when it was announced that we wouldn’t open our 2nd location until September of 2007. I was so mad! I was ready to get started on reaching more people who otherwise might not come to know Jesus.

Unbeknownst to me, the reason that the launch date was set so far in the future was because the leadership of Forefront wanted my husband to lead the new campus. You see, Chuck was in the military, but due to a major back injury and surgery we knew it was a matter of time before he was medically discharged. He was already attending Bible College online in preparation to go into ministry. In June of 2006 the first launch team meeting took place and that fall it was announced that Chuck would be the Campus Pastor. We began having monthly meetings and planning events. In May 2007 Chuck was medically retired from the military and joined the Forefront staff full time. We were so excited about what God had in store for Chesapeake, VA, which was where our new campus was to launch.

Unfortunately, planting a campus of a church isn’t always fun. Chuck was on staff a total of two days when he learned that a group of people had spent their small group session questioning whether he was the right person for the job. Chuck handled it well. Me, not so much. It was very hard. These were friends. It hurt.

The summer of 2007 was a whirlwind. We had events most weekends. We tried to do random acts of kindness wherever we could in Chesapeake. We had a prayer calendar and people prayed every day for the new campus and the people who would come. The last ten days before we launched we had people praying every hour. The morning of October 7, 2007 will forever stand out in my mind. The campus was finally launched!

This journey of planting a campus has definitely had its ups and downs. Sometimes I wonder what we were thinking. However, I know for certain that we are doing what God wants us doing right now. Probably the moment that shines the brightest in my mind is the first baptism service after we launched. Peoples’ lives are changed for eternity and we got to be a small part of that! Hearing the stories of how God is moving in the lives of people at our campus is awesome.

One of the saddest things on this journey has been the people who’ve left along the way. Not all of our original launch team are still involved with our campus or attend Forefront. The thing that makes me sad about that is that they had the opportunity to do something really cool for God and they walked away from it. They are missing out on some joy and that hurts my heart.

If I can give a church planting wife just one piece of advice, it would be this: Get to know other church planting wives!! Seriously. Because we planted a campus, I was lucky and had a church planting wife who was already my friend. Jen Antonucci has been such a tremendous support to me along the way. She’s been there and she understands. I ask her questions all the time and she shares her experiences with me. She’s who I turn to when I’m not sure what my role is or what I’m supposed to do. If you’re going to be on the church planting path, you need a Jen!!

The Chesapeake Campus has been open for nearly 9 months now (I can’t believe it’s been that long!) and I’m continually blown away by God. No matter where you’re at on the church planting wife path, I wish you the very best. When we are following the path that God has for us, we are on the best possible path – no matter how easy or hard it is!

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Cincinnati

2008-07-02T17:44:00.002-04:00

I'm in Cincinnati right now, at the North American Christian Convention. Vince taught a workshop today. Me and the kids hung out at the pool and explored the city. We're headed to Cleveland on Friday. Vince is preaching at Momentum Church on Sunday. Forefront helped Momentum get started, so it'll be really cool to see their service.

I'll be traveling a lot this summer. One of the things I'd like to do is to post your stories and experiences (ups and downs) about your church planting experience so far. If you're interested in sharing with other planter wives, please email me at j_antonucci@hotmail.com. I'll post your story on my blog.

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Session on Parenting, Part 13

2008-06-30T19:26:00.001-04:00

Vince and I did a Mother's Day sermon together on parenting. If you're up for it, click on one of the following links to hear the message. Some of the stuff we talked about I covered in this parenting series, other stuff is new. The name of the sermon was, "Spin" and the message starts out with a few lyrics of a song (in case you're wondering if you are at the right place).

Here is the link to the podcast message: http://forefront.org/audio/20080511-spin.mp3

Here is a link to the entire podcast: feed://www.forefront.org/ffpodcast.xml

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Session on Parenting, Part 12

2008-06-29T16:01:00.002-04:00

Each of the participants at the conference got the following questions to reflect on with God. Get alone with God, spend some time in prayer, and answer these questions. I pray that they are a tool to bring health and change to your families.

1. What is your favorite thing to do with your family?

2. How often do you do it?

3. If there was one thing you could change about your family what would it be?

4. What are some non-negotiable boundaries that you set as a church planting family? Are there any that you wish you could add?

5. Do you feel like the church plant takes precedence over your family?

6. When was the last time you went on a vacation? If it’s been more than a year, schedule one!

7. What steps are you taking to ensure that your kids don’t end up like the “preachers’ kids” we all hear about? What else could you do?

8. Are you protecting your kids from the ugliness of the church?

9. What is something practical you could do to help your kids know that they are more important to you than the church?

10. How much time do you spend teaching your kids about God (including teachable moments)?

11. Are you guilty of living in and teaching your kids to live in the bubble? If so, what are some practical things you can do to change?

12. How often do you pray for protection over your family?

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Session on Parenting, Part 11

2008-06-28T11:41:00.002-04:00

Pray hard! Do you know that there is actually a church of Satan that prays and fasts against Christians, especially Christians in leadership? I guarantee that these people are aware of you and your plans to start a church in their area. And they are working against you. As wives, it is our responsibility to pray for our families. Never underestimate the power of Satan. Remember what Jesus says in John 10:10 about Satan, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

This whole concept of balancing on God alone is easy to hear, but hard to practice. I’ve done it both ways. I’ve walked next to God and I’ve allowed Him to carry me. Choosing to allow God to carry me takes vulnerability and humility. It’s much easier to walk next to someone than to ask them to hold you. God loves us so much. He wants to hold us. He doesn’t want to settle for hand holding. He wants all of us. You have to give Him all of you. Your marriage, your children and your church are in desperate need of it. And your Father in heaven desires it more than anything.

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Stuck in Dial-Up Madness

2008-06-24T11:45:00.002-04:00

I'm at my parent's right now, stuck in dial-up madness. I'm ready to pull my hair out.

I'll continue the parenting session when I get back in town.

In the meantime, I got a comment from a future church planting wife. Email her if you'd like:

"Hi. I'm looking for women I can talk to whose husbands are involved in church planting. Mine is planning on planting a church in a few years when we are done with Bible college. Anyone who wouldn't mind an extra friend who may be looking for encouragement and advice can e-mail me at breezyboes@gmail.com. Thanks. "

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Session on Parenting, Part 10

2008-06-18T09:46:00.001-04:00

Along the same lines, I also want to talk about fear. We need to kick fear in the butt! As parents we have a huge amount of things to be fearful of. I have replayed bad Lifetime movies over and over again in my mind. “My child will be kidnapped in the lobby…Someone will come to my door and kill me and take my children…A terrible accident will leave me comatose and my children will have to be raised by monkeys!” If I allow it, my mind goes crazy with different scenarios of what might happen. If I’m not careful, I end up paralyzed by my fear.

One of the things that God has been teaching me is that fear is a total waste of time and a slap in the face of God. It’s very clear in the Bible that as Christians, we aren’t supposed to fear. Matthew 10:28-31 says, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

We’ve got to stop fearing simply because God is God. He knows about anything that has happened or can happen. And yet, he tells us not to fear.

Fear is one of my greatest strongholds. If it is one of your too, I want to encourage you to seek God. Become desperate for Him and ask Him to free you. Some verses that have helped me are Psalm 46:10, which simply says, “Be still and know that I am God.” Simple, yet profound. Another verse is 1 John 4:18 which says, “Perfect love drives out fear.” My all-time favorite fear verse is Isaiah 49:15-16, “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.” Your children’s names are engraved on the palms of God. Let that soak in a minute…

Whatever we’re worried about, whether it’s your kids, your husband or your church plant, we’ve got to get it under control and allow God’s perfect love to free us.

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Session on Parenting, Part 9

2008-06-16T15:47:00.001-04:00

We need to be more like Kuma. Kuma is our Pomeranian puppy that we got for the kids. He’s insane. My kids want to buy him all kinds of outfits, but Daddy has put his foot down, “Kuma will not wear clothes!” On a recent trip to Petsmart they found a really cute baseball shirt. I told them that Daddy wouldn’t let them buy it! I said that they could pick out something else to buy Kuma instead. What does my son find but…Doggy Bubbles. What in the world? Who comes up with this stuff…

These are special peanut butter flavored bubbles. When your dog pops them they taste peanut butter. Cleaver….Weird…Sick. So many of us live in a Christian bubble. And so many of us teach our children how to live in the bubble. We don’t teach them how to relate to the lost.

Church planting is the number one way to reach the lost. Jesus said in Luke 19:10, “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." Hopefully your church is, or will be, filled with lost people. This means that you’re going to have to hang around them. They smoke, drink, curse, let their kids watch inappropriate movies, etc. The first thing we need to do is take a look at ourselves and find out if we are guilty of living in the bubble. Are we connecting with lost people on a regular basis? When’s the last time you talked to a non-Christian? How do you talk about the lost? Do you use negative words to describe them and their behavior, or are your words seasoned with love and grace and sadness?

Second, we’ve got to teach our kids on a daily basis. We constantly use examples from our kids’ lives to teach them about living the Christian life. Vince is a genius at this. He can take something very ordinary and turn it into a great Biblical truth. For instance, my son was having trouble with a boy in his class. The kid stole his pencil and then lied about it to the teacher. Dawson was very upset, but is totally non-confrontational, so he didn’t do anything about it. We used that experience to teach him basic Biblical truths about showing mercy and grace to people who don’t deserve it and about how people who don’t know God live differently than people who do follow God. It wasn’t done in a negative, judgmental way. We spoke the truth to Dawson about the kid in love. The next day Dawson brought the boy a pencil and told him that he was giving it to him because he thought he might need an extra one. How cool is that? We’ve got to teach our kids what it really means to follow Jesus and what that looks like in their little lives.

I’m not going to lie to you. This is scary stuff. I understand life in the bubble. It’s safe and cozy. I don’t have to worry about negative influences, bad things happening, etc. I understand about the fear of too much exposure and wanting to protect our little ones. But, if we’re going to follow Jesus’ example we’ve got to allow our kids to do life with people who are far from him. Yes, we need to be wise. Yes, we need to pray like crazy. But we can’t keep them locked up in the bubble. The first part of 2 Corinthians 5:20 says, “We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.” Imagine if the US Ambassador to France never went to France. If we follow Jesus’ example, we have to spend time with the lost.

I’ll give you an example of how this can be scary. We have a neighbor that has a daughter Marissa’s age. Her Mom is in the Navy and her Dad owns his own business. The house is a party-zone and there are people in and out all the time. They have as many as 2 guys living there at a time. It’s a horrible environment. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they have a framed 16x20 picture of Satan smoking a cigar above their fireplace. As if that wasn’t bad enough, when you look closely at the picture you see that it is actually made up of drawings of naked women. Yikes.

Samantha is extremely outgoing. She comes to our house constantly and always asks if Marissa can come to her house. Our answer is always, “You two can play here. Marissa can’t come to your house today.” It’s awkward, but we stick to it because living life with the lost doesn’t mean that I check my brain at the door; boundaries are good! Marissa is friends with her, but we have limits on that friendship. And, after every play date we talk. “How was your time with Samantha? What did you talk about? How did that make you feel?” And we pray for her and ask God to bring Samantha’s family to Him. We invite them to church, and surprisingly Samantha often comes with us.

Is it scary for me to allow my daughter to play with Samantha? Yes. But we’ve got to remember that Jesus never ran from scary people or scary situations. He embraced them and loved them and invited them to come to Him. We’ve got to do the same. And we’ve got to teach our kids how to do this. It’s time to pop the bubbles.

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Session on Parenting, Part 8

2008-06-12T21:08:00.001-04:00

Another thing we need to do is to teach our kids how to have a relationship with God. We don’t want them to think of God as being a part of their life, but instead that God is their life.

First, we need to lead by example. If we’re not living out a relationship with God, we can’t expect our kids to.

Second, we need to actually teach them how to have a relationship with God. Teach them how to read the Bible. Have time everyday where you are helping them do a Bible Study of some kind. For us, it happens before school. Maybe bedtime works better for you.

We need to teach our kids what prayer looks like. Do they think it’s something you do before dinner and bedtime or do they see it as a conversation with their loving Father?

Have them memorize verses that speak to them and their circumstances. Marissa struggles with fear at bedtime, so we wrote some Bible verses on paper and taped them to her wall so she could read them as she falls asleep.

The greatest gift we can give our kids is to teach them to love God and love people. Figure out how that will look in your family and put it into practice.

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Session on Parenting, Part 7

2008-06-10T21:42:00.002-04:00

When I was growing up my sister and I fought like cats and dogs. Looking back I wonder, “Why did my parents allow us to do that?” Aren’t parents the ones who are in charge! We can say Yes or No to our children’s behavior.

I don’t put up with my kids fighting with each other. There are consequences for their behavior. Their relationship will last longer than any other relationship they have. I want them to encourage and support each other; not tear each other down. I encourage them to talk about the situation. Sometimes I help them through it, and sometimes I leave them to work it out on their own. I’m teaching them how to communicate with respect. I’m teaching them how to listen. And they are learning how to problem-solve.

The key is starting young, I think. As soon as Marissa was born I instilled the idea that they are best friends. It’s something they’ve learned and understood more over time. But don’t feel defeated if your kids are older. It’s never too late to teach them new things. We have a God who loves to give fresh starts. Pray and ask God how you can do this in a way that really brings about change.

It’s really important that we model this behavior to our children. How do you communicate with your spouse? If you and your husband fight constantly, then of course your kids will fight. That’s all they know. To them it’s normal.

There is hope for our families. Sometimes we, as the parents, are the first ones who need to change. This is humbling and difficult, but it’s possible with God. And if your foundation is God; if you’re balancing on him, then he will help you do it. You won’t have to do it yourself.

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Session on Parenting, Part 6

2008-06-09T10:33:00.001-04:00

Protect your kids from the ugliness of the church. Don’t have conversations in front of them. Remember that they are listening and watching. Keep the church drama away from them.

Our kids are completely clueless about the inner workings of Forefront. They couldn’t tell you anything about anyone. We are very careful to guard them from negative thoughts about the church. We want them to grow up loving the church and respecting it.

If you have to communicate with your spouse, try emailing or do it when the kids are asleep; and make sure they’re actually asleep!

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Technical Difficulty

2008-06-06T11:07:00.002-04:00

My internet is toast until Saturday night. I'm afraid I ran over the cable with my lawnmower. Oops!

I'll be back!

Session on Parenting, Part 4

2008-06-03T18:51:00.002-04:00

Raise children, not pastor’s kids. My kids are “planter/pastor’s kids.” The funny thing is that they have no idea what that means. All the negative connotations that come with that term are lost on them. To them being a pastor’s kid means having people over (which is fun), traveling with Daddy (which is fun), and being themselves.

Don’t place huge standards on your kids. Don’t be one of those moms whose all about “the show.” Allow your kids to be themselves.

My son, Dawson, is really shy. He’s not very expressive. In worship on Sunday mornings, while everyone is dancing and singing, he doesn’t. He stands, but he doesn’t sing or dance. I’m totally ok with that. I don’t care what other people think. To ask him to sing and dance would be like asking him to cut his arm off. I’m way more concerned with my child than I am about the people at our church.

Also, for some reason it’s really important to Dawson that I pick him up as soon as service is over. It’s difficult sometimes, but I make it a priority to be the first one in line at pickup time. It means the world to him, and if someone needs to talk to me, we can talk in the lobby after I get the kids.

If something is best for your child, but doesn’t make sense to other people, that’s ok. Allow your children to be who they are. We don’t want Dawson and Marissa’s identity to be built around the church or people in the church. Our goal is that their identity is simply, “I am the one Jesus loves.”

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Session on Parenting, Part 3

2008-06-02T08:34:00.001-04:00

Take vacations. Get out of town. Do it with the kids. Do it without the kids. Just go!

We need to be refreshed. We need to connect apart from our daily lives. We need the fun and excitement that vacations provide. We need the seclusion, the opportunity to just be ourselves, away from everyone that belongs to our church.

When Vince travels, we try to travel with him. I have no problem pulling the kids out of school. In fact, my kids are here now. We came a few days early to go to Universal Studios. We drive a lot of places, instead of flying to keep the cost down. We chose inexpensive hotels (there are so many good deals online). There are ways to do it. Sometimes you have to be more creative than others.

Even one night away will make a difference. Whatever you do, make it a priority. The health of your family is worth any cost or inconvenience.

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Session on Parenting, Part 2

2008-05-30T07:32:00.002-04:00

Figure out some non-negotiable things that your family stands up for. For instance, Vince takes off every Friday and most of Saturday. People know this and we “make them” respect his time away from work.

As you probably know, meetings are one of the biggest reasons church planters are away from home after regular business hours; there are so many people to meet with. Vince committed, before we even started Forefront, to not having any meetings at night that would pull him away from us. Night time is family time for us. As difficult as it is at times, he has stuck to his commitment. He probably averages one night meeting a year. It takes sacrifice. He has a lot of 6:30am meetings. But we’ve decided that it’s worth it for our kids to have their Daddy put them to bed.

Some of you are thinking, “Must be nice! That’ll never happen for us.” How do you know? Have you ever talked about it with your husband? Have you asked him to consider cutting back on time away? Have you prayed about it? Your kids (and you) should see your husband and connect with him everyday.

In general, our husbands don’t have regular 9-5 jobs. We need to be wise with how we allocate our time. For you it might mean he stays at home until 11am and then is gone the rest of the day. Or maybe he comes home at 3pm and leaves at 7pm for the rest of the night. Be creative. Communicate. Figure out what will work best for your family. But if you’re miserable, do something.

I think one of our fears is that the church will fall apart if we are missing. We need to remember that these are God’s churches, not ours. Yes, we are important and vital to the church, but God’s got it under control. I don’t think part of his plan for a healthy church is you and your family being disconnected, bitter and full of resentments. You don’t have to work 24/7. God’s doing that for you.

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Session on Parenting, Part 1

2008-05-27T13:17:00.002-04:00

As I mentioned earlier, I spoke at the National New Church Conference in April. My topic was on marriage and parenting issues that the church planting family face. Here are my notes on parenting.

Let me start by saying that I am not a parenting expert. I bet the majority of you could run circles around me. I have two children. Dawson is 9 and Marissa is 6. Compared to my marriage, parenting has been a breeze. I realize that it’s very premature to be making such a statement; I know the teenage years are coming. And I’m already praying! Once again, just like in marriage, to make it through this parenting journey you’ve got to be balancing on God alone. Some of what I’m about to share comes straight from experience. Other information is stolen! I’m going to start kind of harsh, so get ready.

I think the church planting family is guilty of making the church an idol. We sacrifice way more than we should for the church, and in the end are filled with regrets. Yes, sacrifice is necessary. Yes, it’s hard to maintain a healthy family amidst the church plant. But, it’s vital. Your kids get one Dad and one Mom and God has chosen for it to be you. Let’s take our role seriously and with great prudence.

I wonder if you asked your kids what’s more important, them or the church, what their answer would be. You probably know the answer without even asking. How much time do you and your husband spend with your kids? Is your life a whirlwind of activity where your kids are put on the back burner? I’m not picking on you. I need to ask myself the same questions.

We have such a small time frame of influence with our kids. Pretty soon they’re on their own. So let’s talk about some ways to maintain good relationships with your kids in the middle of a church plant.

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Back from Whiteboard!

2008-05-25T22:29:00.003-04:00

Whiteboard was awesome. The women's luncheon I spoke at was great. Thanks so much for praying for me!

I have family in town this weekend. Tomorrow I begin the huge job of painting my kitchen cabinets. We've got a gel group (we call our small groups 'gel groups') party at our house in the evening; another crazy day!

Beginning this week I'm going to finish posting my notes from the marriage/parenting seminar I did at the National New Church Conference in April. I held off on sharing the parenting section because I knew I was going to use an illustration from it at WiBo and I didn't want to spoil it for anyone. I hope you enjoy it; whether you are a parent or not!

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A Good Kick in the Butt!

2008-05-19T15:28:00.004-04:00

Truth be told I'm not doing so well. I've got a lot going on, I'm overwhelmed, depressed, etc. We all have times like this; times that we wish we could sleep through.

Today I got a good kick in the butt from God (through Beth Moore). I'm doing her latest study, Stepping Up. I studied Psalm 123 today. The beginning portion says, "I lift my eyes to You, the One enthroned in heaven. Like a servant's eyes on His master's hand, like a servant girl's eyes on her mistress's hand, so our eyes are on the Lord our God until He shows us favor." (verses 1,2)

She asked the question, "Where are we looking?" She goes on to say, "Right now in the challenge that surrounds me and all that busies me or injures me, where am I looking? Where are my attentions focused?...Where we look-where we genuinely fasten our gaze-amid continual life challenges has a tremendous impact on how we feel....I am convinced that one reason where we look has such an impact on how we feel is because where we look is also primarily where we listen."

Right now I'm focused on everything going on around me (my to-do list, my upcoming trip, my parents' visit, redoing my kitchen cabinets, preparing for my next women's breakfast at church and my depression). I'm looking to those things and listening to what they are telling me, "You're so busy. You can't get everything done. You should be depressed. You've got so much going on." And so I feel miserable (duh!!!)!

This morning I was babysitting my neighbors' two kids. The little boy said, "Why does Kuma (my dog) keep staring at me?" I said, "Because he is having a staring contest with you. Have you and Zoe ever had a staring contest?" Zoe said, "No, what's that?" So I taught them the rules of the staring contest, "You close your eyes and after I count to three and say GO! you open them and then you have to stare at the other person. You can't look away because the first person to look away loses." Of course Philip, the three year old, lost within seconds.

Everyday we need to have a staring contest with God. Everyday we need to close our eyes, count to three and open them. We need to stare at God and never look away. If I did that on a daily basis I bet I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed.

So take some time today, close your eyes, count to three and have a staring contest with God.

GO!

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To Mow or Not to Mow...That is the Question

2008-05-14T12:53:00.004-04:00

Vince is a busy guy. He works massive amounts of hours each week. I am also busy, but I get the privilege of being a stay-at-home Mom. My days are busy, my time is valuable and I try to make every hour count.

Ever since we moved into our house, we have been sharing "lawn responsibilities." We have a big yard and it takes a lot of time to keep it up. We decided that Vince would mow the lawn and I would fertilize and weed whack (or edge or trim or whatever terminology you like).

All has been good for the past 6 years. Our yard looks awesome and our duties are shared...fair and square.

This year I felt like God was telling me to do something that I didn't necessarily want to do. I felt like He was asking me to take over the lawn mowing. I thought, "Are you crazy? Do you know how long it takes me just to weed whack? If I add mowing it will take me about 2 1/2 hours. I don't have time for that. I must be hearing you wrong! Everything is fine the way it is. Surely Vince needs something to do at home...Unbelievable!"

Had I listened to myself I would not be mowing the lawn. But, I decided to listen to God and take over the job. It's hard. It kicks my butt. But I do it. And I try to do it with the attitude that I am serving God, my husband and my kids by doing this. Most times I do it with joy, but every so often I start thinking, "He doesn't even notice! Why am I doing this? I don't have time!"

I talked to a girl today who is sick and tired of being "in charge" of her family (daily responsibilities, house, budget, kids, etc. etc.). I can relate. She vented for a while and I told her that I totally understand because I am also, to a large degree, "in charge" of my family. She asked, "How do you do it?" I said, "On my own I would crash and burn. On my own I would grow bitter and resentful. But every day I ask God to help me and give me His attitude. And most days I allow Him to give me His attitude. In order for that to happen, though, I need to be connected to Him on a daily basis." The only way I can mow the lawn and consider it a joy is if I am connected to God.

I don't write all this to make you proud of me or to think I'm cool. I write all this to challenge you. How connected are you to God? How often are you listening to Him instead of to yourself? How often are you truly putting someone else before you? What is one thing that you could do to help free up some time for your husband; to give him a break? Ask God for direction. Don't be surprised if you end up in a place you don't want to be, doing something you don't want to do. So stay close to God and ask Him to give you His attitude. And then allow Him to!

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Facebook Group Just for You

2008-05-12T22:07:00.003-04:00

I finally joined the 21st century and got a facebook account. My main reason is that Amy Colon has set up a Church Planting Wives Group. I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out, but it looks cool. Check it out!

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I'm Off to New Jersey!

2008-05-08T16:05:00.004-04:00

I'm headed to New Jersey tomorrow through Monday. My sister's son is receiving his first communion. I grew up Catholic and my family (other than my Dad, who is an Atheist) is still Catholic (some are more involved than others). I'm the only one that has left the church. When I left the Catholic church it was a HUGE deal. My family thought I was being brainwashed. They cried. They begged me not to get baptized (I actually snuck out of the house with a hairdryer hidden in my backpack).

It's taken years for my family to finally accept that I'm not brainwashed or part of a cult. When Vince and I started dating he was on his way to law school. Even though they were upset about the whole Christian-thing, they found some solace in knowing that I would be dating and potentially marrying a lawyer. After one year, he decided to go into ministry and went to Seminary. That was a real blow to everyone's expectations (especially to his Jewish mother).

Now I'm married to a pastor and have started a church. They are totally supportive and encouraging. It's amazing what a few years can do to change someone's opinion. Vince talks about how we have to "Show and Tell" (like in Kindergarten) people about our faith. It's something I've taken literally in my relationship with my family. I've been "showing" them for 15 years, and even get the chance to "tell" them occasionally.

Some of you come from Christian homes and that's awesome. But some of you don't. I guess my biggest advice to you is to live out your faith in plain view of everyone, especially your extended family. Even if they aren't in agreement and don't support you, you are still called to love them unconditionally. Don't give up hope (I know how difficult this is at times)! Years may pass and you may see no results, but they are watching. You have no idea how God is using you in their lives. Continue "showing and telling" them. And love them like crazy!

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An Awesome Book Written Just for You!

2008-05-07T15:54:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading a great book written for church planting wives. It's called My Husband Wants to Be a Church Planter...So What Will That Make Me? It features planter's wives who share openly and honestly about their role, their struggles, and their victories. I highly recommend it!

Click here for more information.

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